


Something's Telling Me It Might Be You

by twtd



Category: The Worst Witch (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1990s, Alternate Universe - Hollywood, Alternate Universe - Popstar, F/F, Period-Typical Homophobia, a non-slow burn slow burn, how many times can I break them apart and put them back together?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-18
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-15 17:51:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 33,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18504040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twtd/pseuds/twtd
Summary: It's been 20 years since Pippa Pentangle sauntered into Hecate's life at a Hollywood party and Hecate hasn't thought of her in 19 of those years. Now they have to work together on a film close to Hecate's heart. Will they succeed or will the weight of history destroy everything?"Pippa Pentangle?" Hecate slowly unfolded to her full height. "We've met, yes." Hecate's throat worked as she suddenly felt it impossible to swallow.Pippa. Of all of the musicians in the world, why did it have to be Pippa? Hecate rubbed her hands together in a nervous gesture. "It will be good to see her again." No, it wouldn't. The last time she had seen Pippa… it didn't bear thinking about. "If you'll excuse me," Hecate said as she exited Ada's office.She made it all the way to the bathroom before she had to stop. Hand against her stomach, she exhaled. She stepped to the sink and started the water, splashing some on her face then pulling down a paper towel to wipe it off again.20 years later, Hecate still hadn't found a way to truly banish Pippa from her awareness, but she had gotten close. Now, it seemed, she would be working with her and there would be no way to ignore Pippa's existence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, back in August of 2018, I wrote a little fic called Shanghai about Pippa being a pop star and Hecate being a famous actress and them having a one night stand. In the endnotes, I said, "And then they don't speak for 30 years until they're pushed back together when they have to work on the same project. They reconnect, pine for each other, and eventually fall in love. We'll see if I ever write that story."
> 
> I started writing it right after I posted the original story then I set the whole thing aside for eight and a half months.
> 
> Nine months later, this is that story.
> 
> Don't expect any sort of regular updating schedule, but I'm halfway through and it _will_ get finished.
> 
> Beta'ed by roguebeachcomber and cliotheproclaimer!!!!

_I've been looking so long at these pictures of you_  
_That I almost believe that they're real_  
_I've been living so long with my pictures of you_  
_That I almost believe that the pictures_  
_Are all I can feel_

_-Pictures of You, The Cure_

**Now**

Hecate stared out at the valley below her. LA looked the same as it did the last time she was there; a chaotic sea of lights and palm trees with a cluster of high rises in the center. It wasn't a particularly inspiring view, but it was one she had gotten used to over the years. The party flowed on behind her, a cacophony of sounds and movement around her filled with people celebrating their wins and commiserating over their losses, all far more inebriated than Hecate cared to be. Her attendance was a necessary evil. She'd just been a presenter at the ceremony this year, having won her third Academy Award the year before, but she still had to go to at least a few of the parties. She sipped on her own champagne and wondered just when she would be able to leave. A touch on her arm had her turning around. She found Ada at her side. 

"You needn't stay for much longer," Ada said as she too took in the party, far more jovial than Hecate. "But you do need to come by my office tomorrow. Let's say two? Gwen wants a favor, and I want to talk it over with you before I say yes."

"What's to talk over?" Hecate asked. "If Gwen needs something, I'm happy to help." Gwen Bat had been one of her first co-stars, had even insisted she be cast in a film with her after a chemistry read that Hecate had thought had gone horribly wrong. What Gwen had seen in her, she didn't know, but Hecate owed her a great deal, and whatever the favor was, Hecate would willingly do it. 

"Now, now, there's no need to do something just because Gwen has asked it of you. At least take a glance over the project before you agree." Ada smiled up at Hecate. She looked around at the crowd. "I know you're anxious to get home, so I'll let you go. Just remember to come by my office tomorrow. Two o'clock." Ada squeezed Hecate's forearm and rejoined the crowd. Hecate looked around once more before she checked the time on the signature watch around her neck. It was creeping toward one thirty a.m. Ada was right. It was time for her to go home.

* * *

Looking no worse for wear, Hecate walked into Ada's office at precisely two p.m. the next day. "My presence, as requested," Hecate said as Ada looked up from her desk. Floor to ceiling windows stretched out behind Ada, tinted to keep out the glare and heat of the sun, and Hecate's heels clicked on the wooden floor. She crossed the room in just a few steps before sitting down in one of Ada's guest chairs. The office was almost as familiar as her own home in LA after so many years as Ada's client. 

"Ah, yes." Ada shuffled some papers around on her desk and found the script she was looking for. She held it out for Hecate. "Gwen wants you to give it a look and see if you're interested. It's a small studio, and they can't really afford you, but she's signed on as a producer." Ada shrugged. "I told her you'd look at it but didn't make any promises."

Hecate raised her eyebrows as she took the script and started skimming it. "A musical?" Her eyebrows went even further up her forehead. 

"An animated adaptation of a series of children's books."

"Yes, I've read them," Hecate broke in. She'd loved them as a child, happily getting lost in the world of witches and wizards when her own reality got to be too much. 

Ada smiled. "Gwen thought the part of the stern headmistress might suit you. She's primarily there to comedically put the brakes on the main character's antics, but there's a subplot where she falls in love with the headmistress of a rival school."

"Headmistress?" Hecate asked, mildly surprised. She didn't remember that from the books. 

"Well, it's all subtext, but it's there if you want to play it that way, and I think I know you well enough to know that's exactly how you'd play it," Ada smirked at Hecate. 

Hecate sniffed. "Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean that all of my characters are gay." 

"Hecate, dear, none of your characters are gay," Ada replied as she shook her head. And while technically correct, Hecate knew audiences read her own personal life into her characters. It was part of the reason she kept her life so private and why she hadn't, in so many words, come out. "Technically," Ada continued, "the two teachers in this movie only have a few scenes together and they spend most of them at odds. The director could decide on a million different ways to have them interact." Ada clasped her hands together and rested them across her torso. Hecate sighed. It was the same gesture Ada always made when she knew she would get what she wanted. 

Hecate looked down at the script once more and the room descended into silence as Hecate read a few of the pages tabbed for her. "It doesn't look horrible. And it is only a few weeks of work," she said contemplatively. She owed Gwen, she had loved the books as a child, and it wouldn't be bad for her career. Even if the movie flopped, she could withstand it. It would merely be written off as something she'd done for the nostalgia. "Work out the details with the studio. Don't play hardball when it comes to salary." 

"Excellent," Ada smiled brightly as Hecate stood, getting ready to take her leave. "Have you met Pippa Pentangle? She's doing some of the music, and I think she's playing the rival headmistress." 

The name stopped Hecate short. "Pippa Pentangle?" Hecate slowly unfolded to her full height. "We've met, yes." Hecate's throat worked as she suddenly felt it impossible to swallow. _Pippa_. Of all of the musicians in the world, why did it have to be Pippa? Hecate rubbed her hands together in a nervous gesture. "It will be good to see her again." No, it wouldn't. The last time she had seen Pippa… it didn't bear thinking about. "If you'll excuse me," Hecate said as she exited Ada's office. 

She made it all the way to the bathroom before she had to stop. Hand against her stomach, she exhaled. She stepped to the sink and started the water, splashing some on her face then pulling down a paper towel to wipe it off again. Pippa… She had spent years trying to avoid the other woman, futile as it might have been. Pippa had been a rising star when they met, had a few songs near the top of Billboard's Hot 100, but now she was an icon. Everyone loved Pippa and Pippa, it seemed, loved every one of her fans, of her 100 million Twitter followers, individually. At least that's how she made people feel, and they filled stadiums to show their devotion. 

Twenty years later, Hecate still hadn't found a way to truly banish Pippa from her awareness, but she had gotten close. Now, it seemed, she would be working with her and there would be no way to ignore Pippa's existence. 

With another swipe of the paper towel, Hecate gathered herself and left the bathroom. There were things she needed to take care of that day, the hangovers of everyone else in the city be damned.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate sat at the bar and sipped her scotch. She needed to get up and mingle. Broomhead would want her to get up and mingle, but she simply didn't care to. Small talk bored her, and very few of the people at the party were worth her time. She looked at the room reflected in the mirror behind the bar and planned her escape. She was so caught up, she didn't notice the woman sliding next to her until she started speaking.

"What are you drinking tonight?" the woman asked. How original, Hecate thought as she rolled her eyes. 

"Macallan. Why? Are you the bartender?" Hecate replied. Maybe it would be enough to make the woman go away. She'd no interest in polite conversation or being chatted up. Despite the rising moon, sweat still beaded on her skin as she sat at the outdoor bar. She wanted to go home. 

"Not the bartender, no. Just curious. I, myself, am having a lovely blanc de blanc, but I could easily be persuaded to switch to scotch despite the weather." Hecate looked at the woman through the mirror. Well. Pippa Pentangle. It was an odd party for her to be attending, but Hecate didn't care to speculate as to her motivations. Her motivations for talking to Hecate were just as murky. 

"I don't persuade people to drink. And I don't invite people I don't know to drink with me," Hecate said hoping her brusque manner would dissuade Pippa from continuing the conversation. 

"Pippa," Pippa offered her hand to Hecate. Hecate frowned but took it. Tattoos shifted on Pippa's skin as her muscles moved. Shapes she couldn't decipher, words she couldn't read, not in the low light. Something wrapped over one of Pippa's bare shoulders. 

"Pentangle. Yes, I know. Your music is... not terrible." She wouldn't tell a soul, but Hecate actually owned a few of her CDs. Pippa's music was a little too pop for her. She preferred Brahms, but it had helped her get into character for a film she had been in, and ever since then, Hecate had developed a fondness for Pippa's music. 

"Why do I get the feeling that's high praise coming from you?" Pippa responded. Hecate finally looked over at the other woman as she ordered a new drink from the bartender. 

"Make of it what you will," she said. She caught Pippa's eyes. 

"Then I'll take the compliment." Pippa really was as relentlessly positive as her music. The bartender placed two glasses of scotch in front of them and Hecate automatically accepted the drink. "The last movie you were in, where you were the teacher, it wasn't half bad." Oh. That got Hecate’s attention. Pippa might be cheerful, but she had some bite too. Most people fell over themselves to praise Academy Award-winning performances. It was tedious. 

"You have made your point." Hecate inclined her head and turned her body to face Pippa's. She took a sip of her drink and watched Pippa do the same. She wasn't surprised at the slight cough that left Pippa's mouth. She didn't look like a scotch drinker. She raised an eyebrow. 

Pippa smiled sheepishly. "I'm not used to it anymore. And when I was used to it, I never drank anything so nice." No, she imagined Pippa hadn't. Still, it was an opening. 

"I suppose the cocaine musicians are known for doing is much smoother," Hecate smirked for just a second. She would see if Pippa could take her teasing as well as she had her earlier attempts to make her go away. 

Were they flirting? Hecate wasn't exactly sure. Everything was code words and furtive looks. Nothing could be easy. Hecate wasn't out, hadn't done anything to fuel any rumors to that effect, and she'd never heard anything about Pippa being interested in women. Then again, Hecate wasn't exactly tied into the rumor mill. 

"Cocaine is so 1980s," Pippa replied. "It's all oxycodone now. Though you," Pippa looked her up and down and Hecate had to force herself not to shiver, "seem like the type to get your opioids from a den in Shanghai." Hecate hadn't expected Pippa to tease her back. Yes, Pippa was definitely interesting, and they were definitely flirting.

"The distance makes it a rare indulgence," Hecate replied, the tiniest of smirks back on her lips as she much more subtly looked Pippa over. Something about the tattoos pulled her in. 

"And expensive," Pippa said. Hecate shrugged. It wasn't like she was actually doing it, and if this evening was going where she thought it was, Hecate was ready to move things along. She finished her scotch, then took the scotch Pippa was clearly going to waste and finished that too. She didn't love the way the ice watered it down, but that was immaterial. 

"I believe this is the point when you invite me back to your home for the next drink," Hecate whispered. It wouldn't do to be too loud. There was no telling who might be listening. "I, of course, demure. You charmingly insist, and I acquiesce. Have I got it right or should I check my script?" 

Pippa blinked at her in obvious shock. "I don't know. It seems like you're the one who just did the inviting." Well, if that was how Pippa wanted to look at it, she supposed the assessment was fair. Maybe she had been wrong about Pippa's intentions.

"Perhaps I did," Hecate allowed as she raised an eyebrow and stood. What would Pippa do now?

"Well, if you did," Pippa said before she licked her lips, "I would say I would love to have that drink with you someplace more private, and if my home happens to be convenient, I do have a lovely bottle of rosé I can open." Pippa smiled coyly. 

"My driver is waiting," Hecate smiled back and ushered Pippa across the patio to a side gate. Her driver, positioned exactly where he was supposed to be, opened the door to the car, and Hecate let Pippa slide in first. It was all she could do to wait until the door was closed before she tilted Pippa's chin up and caught her lips in a kiss. Pippa's lips were warm against hers as she nipped at them. Their lips melded together as the kiss deepened, and Hecate felt Pippa shiver under her ministrations. She couldn't help the smile that came to her eyes. 

Hecate pulled away long enough to whisper, "You're beautiful," before Pippa pressed their lips together once again. Pippa's hands found their way into Hecate's hair and Hecate nearly purred at the light tugging. She wouldn't have noticed the car coming to a stop if it weren't for Pippa pulling away. 

"Do you still want to come in?" Pippa asked. Hecate couldn't believe Pippa would think she would say no. 

"Yes," Hecate replied, eager to get out of the car and inside. 

"Good," Pippa said, then she repeated herself in a whisper, "Good." After what felt like an eternity, they finally got out of the car and headed up Pippa's front walk. She pulled out her keys and let them in. Hecate didn't bother looking around the house. She pulled the only thing worth looking at into her arms. 

"We're skipping the wine, yes?" Pippa asked as she looped her arms around Hecate's neck. 

"We can have the wine later," Hecate replied. She was already looking forward to a long night. Pippa grabbed her hand and led her back to the bedroom. 

"Do you often seduce wayward musicians at Hollywood parties?" Pippa asked. "That is what happened here, isn't it?" Still teasing then. Would Pippa be like that in bed? All light touches and quick wit?

"I thought you were the one doing the seducing. We are in your house, after all." 

"At your insistence," Pippa said as they finally reached her bedroom. Hecate watched as Pippa unfastened the tie at the top of her halter top. Even though Pippa was facing away from her, Hecate's mouth went dry. The top panels of fabric fell away leaving Pippa bare-breasted. Pippa turned around and grabbed Hecate's hands to pull them around her waist. "Take this the rest of the way off," Pippa said, looking at Hecate coyly, and who was Hecate to deny her? As soon as she finished with the top, Hecate moved on to Pippa's skirt. It slid off a moment later. Hecate moved her hands over Pippa's hips and pulled her close as she leaned in for another kiss. 

"You're even more beautiful like this," Hecate whispered. 

"You've already gotten me into bed, there's no need for flattery," Pippa said as she found the zipper to Hecate's dress. Hecate felt the teeth separating against her skin as Pippa pulled it down.

"By my estimation, we are at least three feet from the bed," Hecate said. She simply couldn't stop herself from the retort. "And call it what you will, it's true." 

"Well, that's much too far away." Pippa stepped forward and forced Hecate to step back. Soon, Hecate had no choice but to climb onto the bed. She sank down into it as Pippa climbed on top of her. As Pippa straddled her hips, her hands came to Hecate's breasts and squeezed them. It made Hecate's breath catch in her throat. 

"This is better," Hecate replied hoarsely. 

"I'm glad you think so." Pippa stretched forward over Hecate's body, pushing Hecate's arms up over her head, and brought their lips back together. "Let's see what else I can do to make this night better." Their breasts brushed together and Hecate shuddered. 

"You give it your best effort, and I'll give it mine," Hecate said before she shifted and rolled them over. 

Pippa laughed. "Whatever you want, darling."

* * *

Hecate looked down at Pippa sprawled on her stomach next to her in the bed. Pippa's glass of rosé sat precariously on the mattress, kept upright by a pair of barely-there fingers. Hecate sat up in the bed, bare to the waist, and unconcerned. "Is this where you tell me you never do this sort of thing?" Pippa asked as she looked up at Hecate. She splayed the fingers of her other hand over Hecate's thigh. 

"I rarely do this sort of thing." Hecate let her fingers trail over the tattoo of an owl that graced Pippa's shoulder. The bird's wings were unfurling, and when Pippa shifted it almost looked like the owl was in flight. It was only one of the many tattoos that covered Pippa's skin, and Hecate wanted to examine all of them, to hear the stories behind them. 

"No, I didn't think you did," Pippa smirked. She rolled onto her side and took a sip of her wine. Moonlight spilled in through the open curtains and left Hecate's face half illuminated. Hecate reached out and cupped Pippa's face, brushing her lips with her thumb. Pippa opened her mouth and took Hecate's thumb between her teeth. Hecate shuddered. 

"Do they have meanings?" Hecate asked, tilting her head to one side as she continued to look down at Pippa's tattoos. 

"Most of them, but they aren't particularly profound. The owl is just because I'm a night owl. The constellation, Cancer, doesn't have anything to do with the zodiac," Pippa made a face, "I studied one of the stars in it while I was getting my Master's. They're all things like that. Nothing philosophical." 

Hecate nodded. "My compliments to whoever did them. They're all beautiful." Beautiful seemed to be a word she used a lot around Pippa. She let her hand trail down Pippa's neck to her arm and then down to her hand where she took the glass of wine and set it aside. Then she leaned down and captured Pippa's lips in a kiss. She tasted like strawberries and honeydew from the wine. Hecate brought her hand to Pippa's side and used it to roll Pippa onto her back where Pippa went willingly. 

"I'll pass it along," Pippa said as the kiss ended. She reached up and threaded her fingers into Hecate's hair, keeping her in place. "But for now, why don't we find another way to spend our time." Pippa kissed Hecate this time, quickly deepening it. Hecate shifted until she was lying next to Pippa, their kiss never coming to an end. "Because right now, I really want to go down on you." 

Hecate moaned and canted her hips toward Pippa bringing their bodies even closer together. "I'm not stopping you," Hecate said. 

"Mmm," Pippa replied as she pushed Hecate onto her back. "Good."

* * *

Hecate groaned as a slash of light moved back and forth across her eyes. Each pass made her head throb and when she tried to move her arm to cover her face, she found it wrapped in sheets that distinctly did not feel like her own. She extracted her limb from its trap, covered her face, and slowly opened her eyes. She'd had too much scotch followed by too much wine, and now she had to pay for it. She stretched into the soreness of her muscles and looked over to where she assumed Pippa would be.

The bed was empty. 

Then she noticed the sound of the shower. God, what had she been thinking? What had possessed her to go home with Pippa Pentangle of all people? She'd be lucky to get out of there without the paparazzi noticing, and she did not need some sort of lesbian scandal marring a career just starting to gain traction. Maybe it had been the scotch? No, she'd made up her mind before she'd even finished her first glass, at that snarky comment about her Oscar, so she couldn't blame the alcohol. 

Hecate slipped out of the bed and found her clothing. She needed to leave. She needed to leave now. Hecate dressed as quickly as she could. The shower continued to run. It was still running when Hecate left the bedroom. Finding her way out took no skill. She walked several blocks away before she called a cab. It didn't matter how much she had enjoyed Pippa's company or that Pippa seemed to be one of the few who understood her sense of humor, she needed to forget that the night before had ever happened. She had simply gotten carried away. It wouldn't happen again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the present, Hecate and Pippa encounter each other again for the first time. It isn't the happiest of reunions. 
> 
> In the past, Hecate and Pippa fight their attraction to each other. They don't fight very hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cliotheproclaimer and roguebeachcomber are still awesome betas!!!

_'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore_   
_I've forgotten what I started fighting for_   
_And if I have to crawl upon the floor_   
_Come crashing through your door_   
_Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore_

_-Can't Fight This Feeling, REO Speedwagon_

**Now**

Hecate pushed open the door to the studio and walked in. She knew other actors who brought an entourage with them wherever they went, but she preferred to come alone. She was, after all, the only one responsible for her performance and the number of people surrounding her wouldn't change that. It was time for their readthrough as a cast, presumably the only time they would all be in the same room together, and Hecate wasn't looking forward to it. Oh, she was sure most of the cast would be agreeable, and she was looking forward to playing the part, but she was not looking forward to seeing Pippa again after so many years. Her stomach was filled with trepidation that couldn't be chalked up to the first day on a new job. 

With a quick nod to the receptionist after getting directions, Hecate made her way back to the room where they would be doing the read through. She said no to the offer of coffee and yes to the bottle of water as she settled into the room. She wasn't surprised that she was the first person there other than the PAs who fluttered around. She opened her script and started to look through it once again. 

The door cracked open and Hecate looked up just in time to see a flash of pink. She tensed as the door opened the rest of the way and Pippa walked in. Not sure how else to react, Hecate stood. 

"Hecate." Pippa stopped in the doorway. 

"Pippa," Hecate replied. Their eyes met and held. Hecate couldn't tell what Pippa was thinking, but then, she hadn't been privy to Pippa's thoughts for a long time now. The silence stretched into awkwardness until Pippa stepped all the way into the room and closed the door behind herself. How were they supposed to do this? What level of small talk was appropriate? 

"I should have known you would be here early," Pippa said though it didn't sound accusatory. Not that Pippa was wrong. 

"Yes, well," Hecate looked behind herself and took her seat again. "Old habits…" 

"Of course." Pippa walked around the large ring created by several tables pushed together and took a seat as far away from Hecate as she could get. Hecate supposed that she earned that wariness. 

The awkwardness continued as Pippa pulled out her copy of the script, several pens, and a notebook from her overly large purse. Hecate looked down at her hands. They were so much older now than they had been when she had first met Pippa Pentangle, when she had first been allowed to touch her. 

Before she could get too caught up in thoughts of the past, the door opened again. A girl of around 13 walked in with her mother following behind. 

"Hi, I'm Mildred," the girl said as she looked between the two adults in the room. She wasn't shy, but the few child actors Hecate had encountered generally weren't. 

"And I'm Julie," the woman trailing after Mildred said. "Find a seat, love. You've got plenty to choose from." She gestured at the room with overburdened arms.

"Okay." Mildred shrugged blithely and grabbed the seat closest to her. As she settled down into it, Julie put down her collection of things on the table and took the seat next to Mildred. Mildred looked between them as if unsure who to address first. Pippa saved her the trouble of figuring it out. 

"Pippa." Pippa smiled, good cheer replacing her earlier wariness. She waved across the table. "And that's Hecate." She pointed over at Hecate as she said it. 

"It's really nice to meet you, Pip–" Mildred caught a look from her mother. "Er… Ms. Pentangle. Ms. Hardbroom." Of course, Mildred already knew who they were. Hecate didn't like to think about her fame, but some things were inevitable. Being recognized most everywhere, particularly somewhere so thoroughly inside the industry, was one of them. Hecate smiled but she knew it came out more like a grimace. Then, she didn't have a reputation on set as being particularly nice, so there was no need to fake a joviality she didn't feel. She wasn't Pippa, after all. No one expected her to be anything other than serious. 

The door opened again and other members of the cast and crew started to filter in. Gwen Bat came over and squeezed Hecate's shoulders before taking a seat down a bit. She only had a cameo, but as a producer, no one would begrudge her a spot in the room. Several more children joined Mildred, and finally, the director arrived. 

In all of the commotion, the chattering of hyperactive children, the loud conversations between parents who had obviously seen each other at auditions before, and Gwen and Algernon cooing over each other, Hecate was finally able to distract herself from Pippa as she looked down at her script and reviewed her notes.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate walked into one of the lesser known restaurants in West Hollywood not certain what to expect. Dimity Drill, one of the top-ranked female tennis players in the world, was hosting a small dinner party and hadn't let Hecate beg off as she was inclined to do. The party the night before, the encounter with Pippa, had left her exhausted. She wasn't used to staying up all night and she was still mildly sore and mildly hungover. Being at home with a cup of tea sounded better than having to socialize, but she was there anyway. 

She caught sight of Dimity on the other side of the restaurant and started to make her way over to the group. Looking them over, she found she knew most of them, a collection of other expats. Maybe Dimity was feeling homesick. Hecate's steps stuttered when she saw familiar blonde hair. Pippa. What were the odds? Apparently, the odds didn't matter because there she was. Hecate wondered if she could slip out. 

"HB!" Dimity lit up when she caught sight of Hecate and held her hand out. Hecate was caught. No getting out of it now. 

"Dimity," she said as she leaned in to give Dimity a hug and kiss her cheek. 

As Hecate drew back, Dimity turned to her side. "Have you met Pippa Pentangle?" 

"Yes, briefly," Hecate looked at Pippa and offered her hand. Pippa bit back a smirk as she returned the handshake and they exchanged pleasantries. Hecate supposed a 'brief meeting' defined their relationship well enough. They hadn't exactly exchanged deep thoughts. They certainly didn't know each other. 

Hecate sat and raised an eyebrow as Pippa took the seat next to her, smiling impishly. Hecate wondered how Pippa knew Dimity. Dimity wasn't someone who often traveled in their circles, but then, Hecate and Pippa didn't exactly travel in the same circles either, and they had still run into each other twice within twenty-four hours. 

Hecate barely paid attention to the rest of the introductions, too aware of Pippa sitting next to her to focus. 

"So what's the occasion?" Pippa asked as she set her menu aside. She'd barely looked at it.

"No occasion," Dimity replied. "Season's about to start, and then I won't have the time or energy for you lot. So I thought I'd get a last bit of socializing in before coach has me running sprints at 6 am." She laughed, clearly eager to get started no matter her words. 

The rest of the table joined in the laughter. Hecate jumped and nearly choked when Pippa's hand found her thigh. At least the laughter probably covered it. She looked down then over at Pippa in question. What did Pippa think she was doing? Still, Hecate did nothing to dissuade her or the fingertips that were now tracing shapes against her skin just above her knee. Why couldn't she have worn a sensible pair of slacks that night instead of a skirt that while sitting only came up to her mid-thigh? 

The conversation meandered from tennis to some of the group's latest projects, to Tony Blair and politics back home, but Hecate could only just keep up. Pippa's hand kept distracting her. Pippa's nails scratched over her skin, raising goosebumps and making her shiver. She swallowed hard and shifted in her seat. 

"Everything alright there, HB?" Dimity asked. 

"I'm fine. If you'll excuse me for a moment." Hecate stood from the table and headed toward the restroom. Anything to put some distance between Pippa's touch and the heat growing low in her belly. 

She pushed into the small room, just two stalls and two sinks, and exhaled heavily. She was just running some cool water over her wrists when the door opened again. Hecate looked up. Pippa. She should have known. Hecate turned off the tap and dried her hands. Their eyes met through the mirror and held. 

"Has it been–?" 

Hecate spun around and surged across the step between them, crashing their lips together. God, what was she doing? How did Pippa drive her so crazy? She could still feel Pippa's fingers on her knee. She could still feel Pippa's fingers inside of her. She wanted that again. She ached for it. 

Pippa met Hecate with equal fervor, tongues sliding together as their hands each grasped at the other. Hecate pulled Pippa closer, wedged her thigh between Pippa's, and pushed her up against the counter. Pippa, Pippa, Pippa. All she tasted was Pippa. She wrenched her lips away, only to start kissing her way down Pippa's neck. Pippa's hands tangled in Hecate's hair. 

"We're not really going to have sex in the ladies’ are we?" Hecate gasped against Pippa's neck, her own hands reaching down to grab Pippa's ass. 

"We are if you don't stop that," Pippa replied, grinding down against Hecate's thigh. She bit down on Hecate's shoulder through her shirt and Hecate sucked in a breath at the dull pain. 

"I don't want to stop," Hecate said as she started rucking up Pippa's skirt. She couldn't believe she was doing this, that they were going to do this. She had never done anything so reckless in her life. If anyone found out her career might be over.

"Then I guess we're having sex in here after all." Pippa wriggled to help Hecate with her skirt. As soon as it was up far enough, Hecate swept Pippa's knickers to the side and dipped her fingers into Pippa's wetness. Pippa bit back a moan and tilted her hips forward. "But you're taking me home after where we can do this properly." 

"Whatever you want," Hecate responded as she rubbed her fingers over Pippa's clit. She didn't do so with much finesse, but she didn't need it. She remembered just enough of what Pippa liked to be able to hit the right points to leave Pippa gasping and clutching at her as she threw a leg over Hecate's hip to pull her closer. Hecate pushed a finger inside of Pippa and gasped again at the tight warmth. 

Pippa's hips jolted forward, and with another sweep of Hecate's thumb, she fell apart in Hecate's arms. Hecate held Pippa as she calmed, kissing the corner of her mouth until Pippa turned her head and took Hecate's lips with her own. The kiss was long and slow as Hecate pulled Pippa's skirt back down.

They finally started to disentangle themselves. "How soon do you think we can get out of here?" Pippa nuzzled against Hecate's cheek.

"I don't see any reason to stay for dessert, do you?" Hecate let Pippa go and turned to the sink to wash her hands. The cool water did little to calm her racing heart. She ached for Pippa to touch her, but despite what they had just done, it wasn't the time or the place. After she dried her hands, she ran her finger through her hair setting it to rights again. She listened as Pippa took a deep breath and started to do the same. She had just finished when Pippa bumped their shoulders together and started giggling. 

"No," Pippa said while still laughing. "I don't think I'll be sampling the _restaurant's_ dessert menu." Hecate blushed. They could have sex in the bathroom and she was fine, but the slightest bit of innuendo had her cheeks on fire. It only made Pippa laugh more. She leaned in and kissed Hecate's cheek. "Go back to the table. I'll join you in a minute." 

Hecate nodded, took a moment to further compose herself, then headed back out. She would come up with an excuse for Dimity as to why she and Pippa needed to leave together later.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now: Algernon has a plan that's going to force Hecate and Pippa to spend more time together. Is he playing matchmaker? We'll never know. 
> 
> Then: Hecate and Pippa have to go their separate ways.

_I wish I could just make you turn around_   
_Turn around and see me cry_   
_There's so much I need to say to you_   
_So many reasons why_   
_You're the only one who really knew me at all_

_-Take A Look At Me Now, Phil Collins_

**Now**

Hecate sat placidly, back straight, knees lined up with toes and hands on her lap, in the waiting room outside of Algernon's office hoping that the director would make an appearance soon. She didn't know why he wanted to see her, only that he had requested her presence before she was set to record her scenes the next day. The sound of footsteps reverberated from the adjoining hallway and Hecate sat up straighter as the door opened. 

Hecate’s feeling of calm that morning disappeared, and she tensed with nerves as Pippa walked into the room. 

"Oh, Hecate." Pippa stopped short, ponytail swinging behind her. There were only a few chairs in the outer office and rather than sit, Pippa crossed her arms and stepped to the side of the room. 

"Pippa." Hecate nodded. It seemed that might be all they would say to each other for the extent of the filming, though Hecate supposed she still had her songs to record. Maybe Pippa would push them off on an assistant. Acknowledging that the other existed was polite, after all. They could both do that much. 

Pippa rocked onto the balls of her feet then back down again as she stared at the ground. It gave Hecate the opportunity to really look at Pippa for the first time since they had met for the read through. 

She had been right, Pippa looked older now. Older, but no less captivating. From this distance, she could see the slight crows feet at the corner of Pippa's eyes, the laugh lines around her mouth, but otherwise, her skin was smooth, just as it had always been. New tattoos graced her arms, a string of violets ran up one forearm, their bluish-purple contrasting with Pippa's skin. Even in this quiet, tense moment, she shone with some sort of ineffable charisma that had Hecate wanting to smile. Hecate pursed her lips against it. 

Pippa kept subtly rocking back and forth, nerves of some sort taking ahold of her. "Do you…?" Pippa briefly looked at Hecate with worry in her eyes before she looked down again. Still, Hecate knew what she was trying to ask. 

"Do I know why we're here?" Hecate met Pippa's eyes as she looked up again, confirming Hecate's assumption. "No." 

Pippa nodded but kept her arms crossed over her stomach. Quiet fell in the room. Pippa pulled out her phone and did something on it, texting perhaps. It only took her a few seconds though before she slid it back into her pocket. 

"I just… Does it always feel like you've been pulled into the headmaster's office when…" Pippa shrugged. 

"I… I wouldn't know." Hecate swallowed uncomfortably and looked away. Her parents had started her acting early, and as such, she'd had private tutors until she escaped for a stint in university. 

"Right." Pippa nodded. 

"If it helps, I doubt it's unpleasant. As we haven't started yet, he can't have any reason to be unhappy with us." Hecate finally met Pippa's eyes. She wanted to assuage Pippa's worries, to calm her down, but beyond those words, she couldn't. Pippa wouldn't want Hecate to touch her, to rub her back, or hold her hands. Hecate had done everything possible to make sure of that. 

Pippa nodded, smile still tight. "Thank you."

Before they could lapse back into silence, Algernon shuffled into the office. "Oh good, you're both here." He motioned for them to follow him into his office, holding the door as Pippa then Hecate entered the room. 

"I'll keep this brief," Algernon said as he leaned against his desk. "I want you two to record your scenes together." He clapped his hands together and looked expectantly between them. 

"I…" Pippa opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Hecate tried to keep her own expression emotionless. 

"I really think it will give us the emotion that I want. Really make the audience feel the tension between the characters before they reconcile." Algernon pumped his fist. "I want to make them feel it when they make peace. It's such an important character beat for Hestia. It'll get the audience behind her." 

"Of course." Hecate gave a clipped nod. It seemed she and Pippa would be spending at least an afternoon together as they recorded. 

"You're the director," Pippa said, smile tight. 

"Excellent!" Algernon reached out and clapped both of them on their shoulders. Pippa moved with it while Hecate did her best to look unaffected. "My assistant will come up with a time that'll work and we'll be good to go." He rubbed his hands together. "Now, you can both go back to your days." His eyes twinkled as he sent them on their way. 

Hecate waited for Pippa to precede her out of the office then closed the door behind them, but Pippa stopped short before they could leave the outer office. She turned around and wrung her hands together. She opened her mouth to say something, closed it, and then opened it again. 

"I can't pretend to understand why you did it, but…" Pippa shook her head. "I thought… Well, it doesn't really matter what I thought, does it?" She looked at Hecate searchingly.

"Pippa–" Hecate started only to be cut off when Pippa held up a hand. 

"I think… That is... " Pippa's throat worked. "Since we have to work together… Let's just forget about it." 

Hecate nodded. "If that's what you want." Pippa's suggestion was for the best. They would just… act like nothing had ever happened and everything would be fine. 

"It is." Pippa looked away then back at Hecate again. "It is."

* * *

**Then**

Hecate laid on Pippa's mattress and stared up at the ceiling as the shower ran in the background. This was her cue, familiar and repeated. She needed to get up. She needed to leave. This was starting to become a very bad habit and she needed to stop. They would get caught eventually, and then it would all be over. She was just lifting herself up onto her elbows when the door to the bathroom opened and startled her. 

"You don't need to sneak out, you know." Pippa leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed and unbothered by her own nudity. 

"I…" Hecate couldn't really deny it. That was exactly what she had been about to do. 

Pippa smirked and padded over to the bed, crawling onto it and on top of Hecate. Hecate sank back down into the mattress as Pippa straddled her hips. 

"Don't worry so much." Pippa leaned down and kissed Hecate's lips, lingering over them. "I'm not under any illusions about what this is, but it's also the fourth time we've ended up back in my house and in my bed. I think maybe we've progressed to taking a shower together and having a cup of coffee while we wait for your cab to get here, don't you?" Pippa kissed her again. 

Hecate exhaled and felt the tension melt from her body. "I suppose that would be acceptable." 

Pippa smiled slowly. "Good. Now come get in the shower." She pulled away from Hecate and got up, walking toward the bathroom without looking back.

* * *

Hecate raised the coffee mug to her lips and took a quick sip. Her cab would be there any minute and she needed to mention something to Pippa. At least, she thought she should mention it. 

"What?" Pippa blew on her own coffee to cool it down. "What's on your mind?"

"I…" Hecate took another sip, letting the hot liquid loosen her tongue. "I'm doing a play in London. We go into rehearsals next week." 

"Ah. And you thought I might be upset?" Pippa got up and walked over to Hecate, sliding onto her lap. "I wasn't lying when I said I knew what we were doing. I'm not expecting some sort of commitment ceremony on the beach. It isn't even like either of us is out or planning on coming out. At least, I'm not anytime soon." 

Pippa ran her fingers through Hecate's still damp hair. "I appreciate that you were concerned. It's very sweet of you." She leaned in and kissed Hecate before getting up. "But I'm not going to come charging off after you, trying to stop you from getting on that plane. That wouldn't serve either of us." 

"Good." Hecate wasn't sure how she felt about Pippa's speech, but that was the only possible answer. There was a honk outside and Hecate looked over toward the door. 

"That's likely for me." Hecate stood and wiped her hands on her slacks. "Thank you for the coffee. I suppose I'll be seeing you." She offered Pippa a tight smile. 

"You're welcome." Pippa stood as well and walked Hecate to the door. She leaned in and placed a kiss on Hecate's cheek before opening it. Hecate gave Pippa one last look before she stepped outside into the hot California sun and headed toward her taxi unaccountably unsettled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now: Hecate and Pippa spend a long day in the recording studio.  
> Then: Hecate and Pippa meet up again in London.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'ed by roguebeachcomber and cliotheproclaimer both of whom are kicking my ass right now.

_And the years have proven_   
_to offer nothing since you moved._   
_You're long gone_   
_but I can't move on_

_-Missing, Everything But The Girl_

**Now**

Hecate stood in front of the door to the recording studio and took a deep breath. She had recorded most of her lines before lunch. Everything had gone smoothly, though she knew she'd be back in the studio eventually to re-record some things once they were further along in the animation process. That was just how these things worked. 

But, of course, they hadn't recorded everything. Her lines with Pippa… She understood Algernon's reasoning, but she wasn't sure it would work as well as he hoped it would. Still, there was a reason they called her one of the finest actresses of her age, and she had been put through things far more unpleasant than an awkward afternoon for the sake of a film. 4 am calls, only to stand in the rain for hours, easily came to mind. Still, she'd earned her second Oscar for that role, so she couldn't complain too much. 

Of course, that didn't mean she was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her ex. Funny, she had never thought of Pippa in exactly those terms before. As a past lover, certainly, but Pippa had never really been her girlfriend or partner or whatever the term currently in vogue was. For the past 15 years, she had tried not to think of Pippa at all and for the most part, it had worked. It was just one afternoon. She could deal with one afternoon and then go back to pretending that Pippa didn't exist. 

She would get to the studio early, take a few minutes to center herself, and then be good for the afternoon. All she had to do was walk in the door. 

With a firm tug on the door's handle, she stepped into the outer room only to pull up short. She found Pippa sitting on the low couch just inside the doorway, shoes off, legs crossed underneath her and reading glasses on as she looked down at the script in her lap. At least, she had been looking down. Now, she was looking up at Hecate in mild surprise. 

"Hecate." Pippa recovered first. She dropped her feet back to the floor and slipped her shoes back on, looking a bit embarrassed. She wore a gauzy silk top, the ombre taking it from opaque at the top to translucent at the bottom. Hecate couldn't stop herself from noticing the colorful tattoos that covered Pippa's ribs. Those hadn't been there before.

"Pippa." Hecate pulled her eyes up hoping that Pippa hadn't noticed where she had been looking. She nodded in acknowledgment. She could be polite. She walked over to one of the chairs and sat, back straight and hands on her lap over her own copy of the script. Where Pippa's looked tattered and covered in marker, her own copy was almost as neat as the day it had been given to her, her parts tabbed and highlighted, notes in a neat hand down the side. 

Ada had been right. The scenes with Hestia and Penelope's reunion were fraught with a subtext that could easily be seen as romantic if played a certain way. But it would only work if both the actors involved played it the same way and she and Pippa weren't exactly communicating. Hecate hoped Algernon knew what he was doing putting them both in the recording booth at the same time. 

In the time it had taken Hecate to settle, Pippa had gone back to her script, mouthing lines to herself. It looked like she was emphasizing different words each time she ran through it and shaking her head at each variation. 

Hecate tried not to pay attention to her and opened her own script, but she already had both her and Pippa's lines memorized. Finally, Hecate could ignore it no longer. 

"Do you want to run through them?" Her voice cut through the silence in the room and Pippa startled. 

"What?" Pippa blinked at Hecate as if she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. 

"Our lines. Would you care to run through them before Algernon arrives?" Hecate offered. She would have done the same with any other colleague. Pippa shouldn't be any different. And as Algernon was notoriously late for things, they had the time. 

"Oh." Pippa still looked taken aback. "I… Alright." She moved toward the end of the couch nearest to Hecate's chair. The sudden change in proximity made the breath catch in Hecate's chest. She could smell Pippa's perfume now, still floral but not as light as it used to be. A sudden longing gripped Hecate. She wanted… She wanted to reach out, to brush the hair back from Pippa's face, to take her hand, to gently remove her glasses before she leaned in and… 

"Is something wrong?" Pippa asked. Hecate hadn't realized she had been leaning forward and she immediately sat up straight again. 

"No." Hecate cleared her throat. "Nothing. We should…" She looked down at her script then back up at Pippa. 

"Right. You're right." Pippa nodded and turned her script to the same page as Hecate before they began.

* * *

"It's been…" Pippa said forlornly. She looked at Hecate just as sadly.

"Thirty years. Yes. I know." Hecate pursed her lips. She shifted her stance a bit. 

"Can't we just… Can't we just put it all behind us?" If Hecate had harbored any doubts about Pippa's ability to act, they were gone now. Pippa really did sound like she wanted to put the last twenty years behind them. No, that wasn't right. It was thirty years. The characters had been estranged for thirty years. 

"Penelope, it isn't that simple." Hecate rubbed her forehead. 

"Why can't it be?" Pippa pleaded with Hecate. Penelope pleaded with Hestia. 

Hecate sighed. "You're right, Pen. It can be that simple. We can make it that simple." In her script, Hestia moved to pull Penelope into a hug. Obviously, Hecate couldn't do that in real life. She wasn't reconciling with Pippa. There would be no hugs. Still, part of Hecate wanted that, wanted to be able to have an easy relationship with Pippa once again. 

Where had that thought come from? Until that moment, Hecate had been content with the current, tentative equilibrium they had found. Hecate was sure the surprise must have shown on her face and she was taken further off guard when Algernon said, "cut."

It came over their headphones from the sound booth. "That was excellent ladies. I think that take was the one." Algernon gave them a big double thumbs up through the glass. 

Pippa's entire body seemed to relax as she took off her headphones. "Phew," she said as she shook out her hands then took her glasses off. "That was exhausting. I don't know how you do it for months on end." 

"It's rarely quite that long." Hecate folded her script closed and stepped back from the microphone as she tried to let the energy from the scene bleed out of her. 

"Really? I distinctly remember you being in a play that ran for at least four months, and that didn't include the rehearsal time," Then, as if just realizing what she had said, Pippa blushed and looked away. "That is… Well, isn't that how long plays normally…?" Pippa looked down at her hands and then back up. 

"Five to six," Hecate swallowed and stood up straighter. "Plays normally run five to six months." 

"Right." Pippa smiled tightly as she opened the door to the recording booth and walked out of the small room, Hecate following behind her. "Well…" Pippa wrung her hands together. "I suppose I'll be seeing you later."

"Later?" Hecate looked at Pippa in confusion. Hadn't Algernon just said that they were finished? Surely simply being in Pippa's presence again hadn't confused her that much. 

"When we record your part of the music," Pippa prompted, the slightest bit of worry in her voice.

"Yes, of course." So Pippa wouldn't be pawning her off on an assistant. Hecate knew that hope had been too good to be true. She rolled up her script up in her hands. The sudden crinkling pulled her back into the moment, and she straightened her script once again, though it seemed like it might be permanently curled now. 

Hecate looked down at it and frowned. When she looked up, a storm had clouded Pippa's face.

"Really, Hecate? You knew what you were getting into when you said yes to this. There's no need to look like I just made you eat a lemon," Pippa snapped. Before she could respond, Pippa wrenched open the door to the studio and disappeared.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate looked up as the knock sounded on her door. She had just finished removing her stage makeup and hadn't planned on having visitors. They were well into their run after all. The excitement of opening night, which brought out all sorts of well-wishers, was long past. She pulled her robe a bit more tightly across her chest and called out a, "come in," turning to look at the door as it opened. She blinked in surprise when she saw Pippa standing there. If Hecate hadn't been expecting visitors, she had been expecting Pippa even less. She tried not to gape.

"Hello," Pippa said tentatively as she peered around the door. "May I come in?" 

"Certainly," Hecate answered. Why was Pippa there? Why was Pippa even in London? Pippa lived in LA, didn't she? 

Coming into the room, Pippa pulled a bouquet of flowers out from behind her back. The violets charmed Hecate in a way the usual roses would not have and she smiled a genuine smile. The reference appealed to her too. 

"You didn't need to–"

"I was in town… well, I'm on tour, well, technically off tour for the next few weeks, but…" Pippa waved a hand to cut off her own speech before she took a breath and seemed to reset.

"I'm in town and I wanted to see the play. It seemed rude not to say hello and even worse to come empty-handed." She held out the flowers.

Hecate chuckled as she stood. "You didn't need to bring anything, but the flowers are lovely." She stepped across the small space and took them from Pippa's hands. They were close and Hecate could smell Pippa's perfume, something floral and heady, or maybe it was just the flowers. She hesitated for a moment, trying to find the answer on Pippa's face, then leaned in to catch Pippa's lips with her own. 

She wasn't sure it was the right move. She and Pippa hadn't seen each other in months. When they had last talked, they had agreed that their infatuation with each other was just that, an infatuation, something to be indulged in and then forgotten about, put in the past. But Hecate didn't have time to second guess herself before Pippa started kissing her back. 

The kiss slowly built between them, their breathing and the crinkle of the paper around the flowers still in Hecate's arms the only sounds in the room. With an arm around her waist, Pippa pulled Hecate closer, but the flowers stopped them. Pippa pulled away with a laugh. 

"Right." Hecate stepped back and started looking for a place to put the flowers. 

"Bring them with us," Pippa said as she caught Hecate's hand. Hecate finally managed to lay them down on the vanity top. 

"With us?" Hecate asked in confusion. 

"Unless you want me to ravish you right here," Pippa said, her voice dropping as she stepped into Hecate's personal space again. 

"Ravish?" Hecate meant it to be mocking, but the squeak at the end belied that. 

"Mmhmm," Pippa pushed closer forcing Hecate to take a step back, then another, and another until the backs of her knees hit the small settee and she had to sit down. As soon as she did, Pippa climbed on her lap and brought their lips together once again. "I thought you were magnificent, and now I want to show you."

"You're right," Hecate managed to gasp out as Pippa attached her lips to Hecate's neck. "We should go." She weakly pushed back against Pippa's hip but Pippa didn't budge. "I've a lovely flat. It isn't too far away." 

"Mmhmm." Pippa kept kissing her way down the vee of Hecate's chest left exposed by the robe. She started to untie it before Hecate's hands covered her own and stilled them. Pippa looked up at Hecate in question.

"Have you any idea how many people have likely had sex on this settee?" Hecate asked sounding scandalized. Pippa smirked. 

"What's one more then?" Pippa nuzzled against the point of Hecate's collarbone before kissing it.

"That one more isn't going to be me." Hecate pulled Pippa's hands close and kissed each of her palms in turn. "My flat is barely ten minutes away. Let me get dressed and we can be there in fifteen." 

Pippa huffed but shifted back and stood. She reached for Hecate to offer her a hand up, which Hecate took. "I'm holding you to that. Fifteen minutes or I'm going to have my way with you in a back alley." 

Hecate chuckled before she leaned in and kissed Pippa again before pulling back. "Go wait in the hallway. I'll be out in five minutes." 

"Fine," Pippa huffed again, rolled her eyes, and did as she was bid.

* * *

"Just give me a second." Hecate tried to line her key up with the door to her flat, but Pippa's hands on her ribs weren't helping. 

"You said fifteen minutes," Pippa breathed hot into her ear, "that was eighteen minutes ago." 

Hecate batted Pippa's hands away. They were on the top floor of the small building, barely two floors up. Hecate wasn't worried about someone seeing them, but Pippa kept distracting her. Finally, she managed to unlock her door and they both stumbled inside.

As soon as the door was shut, Pippa pushed Hecate up against it. They came together in a furious kiss, nearly devouring each other. Hecate hadn't been pining over Pippa, but she found now that at least part of her had missed this. Not sex. She could have found that at any time. No, she had missed _Pippa_ , the smell of her perfume, the feel of her skin, the shape of her face under Hecate's hands as she cupped Pippa's jaw. 

Hecate tried to push forward, tried to guide them toward her bedroom, but apparently, Pippa didn't want to wait. Her hands were already at the button of Hecate's slacks, unfastening them, tugging down the zipper, and then sliding her hands beneath the waistband. Hecate arched forward as Pippa grabbed her ass. Then, Pippa moved her hand under the top edge of Hecate's knickers and started to push them down, taking Hecate's trousers with them. Pippa dropped to her knees and stared at Hecate's exposed pussy. 

"I can't believe it's been five months since I've gotten to do this," Pippa said in hushed tones as she ran her hands up Hecate's thighs. She got to the apex and kept going, spreading Hecate's lips, then leaning in and taking a deep breath. Hecate stared down at Pippa's head, anticipating her next move. When Pippa hesitated a moment longer, Hecate whined. 

Pippa's eyes shot up and they made eye contact. The contact held as Pippa finally leaned forward. Hecate jumped when Pippa's tongue made contact with her clit, but Pippa's hands kept her in place. 

The warmth of Pippa's mouth made her groan as Pippa swirled her tongue over Hecate's clit. Hecate's hips rocked forward and backward as she sought out more contact with Pippa's tongue. They moved together as Hecate tried to find purchase on the door with her hands. Her quest proved futile, her nails merely scraping against it. 

When she came, it was nearly out of nowhere, quick and hard and knee-shaking. It was almost embarrassing just how little effort Pippa had put forth to make it happen. Hecate slid down the door, shivering as her back came into contact with the cool wood. She ended up on her knees in front of Pippa, reaching to pull her into a hard kiss. She could taste herself on Pippa's lips and it only spurred her on. 

Hecate pushed forward until Pippa was forced onto her hip and then onto her back, Hecate hovering above her. 

"Didn't you say something about a bed?" Pippa wrapped her arms around Hecate to keep her close. 

"The bed can wait." With no preamble, Hecate put her hand under the bottom of Pippa's skirt, her forearm pushing it up even as Hecate pulled Pippa's knickers to the side. She ran her fingers through the already collecting wetness. 

Pippa gasped. "You're right. Who needs a bed?" She cupped Hecate's jaw and pulled her into another, deeper kiss.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now: Hecate and Pippa have a conversation about their past.
> 
> Then: Hecate and Pippa make some plans for their time in London.

_I may be mad_   
_I may be blind_   
_I may be viciously unkind_   
_But I can still read what you're thinking_   
_And I've heard it said too many times_   
_That you'd be better off_

_-Why, Annie Lennox_

**Now**

Hecate slid into the back of the town car the studio had insisted she and Pippa use to get to and from the interview. It had been a long day. A long day of pretending she and Pippa were friends. It wouldn't do to tell the interviewer the truth: that they barely interacted and when they did it was stilted and full of a tension that neither of them wanted to acknowledge. Instead, they had gamely played along, the award-winning actress and musical icon forming a tight friendship over the course of a month. That was what everyone wanted to hear.

Hecate closed her eyes against the headache building behind them. Then Pippa's perfume filled the space as Pippa sat beside her. Hecate exhaled trying to get it out of her nose. Even after all of these years, she didn't need the reminder to know exactly what Pippa smelled like, what she smelled like even after the perfume wore off. She grabbed a bottle of water and held it against her temple

"Is everything alright?" Pippa asked and for some reason, the concern in her voice tipped Hecate over the edge. 

"The press is gone. You can stop pretending now," Hecate snapped. 

"I wasn't…" Pippa huffed. "You know what? Fine. I thought, maybe, as one human to another I might check on you because you're pale, and you look like you're in pain, but if you can't accept even that much care from me, then fine." Hecate felt Pippa adjust how she was sitting to get further away from Hecate. 

Hecate groaned and opened her eyes. "Pippa…" She sighed. 

"No." Pippa held up a hand between them. "You don't get to say, 'Pippa,' like that, in that tone. We're not bickering over where to get dinner before your next performance. You don't get… We're not…" Pippa huffed then looked away from Hecate and out of the window. 

Hecate lowered the bottle of water, looking at her hands, then at Pippa, then back at her hands. She cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I… I have a headache." She opened the bottle of water but closed it again without drinking any of it. 

"That's no reason to be…" Pippa shook her head. Their eyes caught and held. "I used to think you were so easy to understand. I didn't know you at all, did I?" 

Hecate had to look away. She finally took a sip of water. 

"I don't suppose you'll tell me why?" Pippa asked softly. She looked up at Hecate through her eyelashes a slight frown on her lips. 

Hecate took a breath. "I told you–"

"You told me bullshit. We both know it." Pippa crossed her arms over her chest and turned more fully toward Hecate only to have Hecate turn away. 

"It doesn't matter anymore," Hecate said softly, sadly. 

"It matters to me. Damn it, Hecate." It seemed like Pippa wasn't going to let her off the hook. How had this conversation started? How had they gotten here? To the one place Hecate didn't want them to go, the one place where she couldn't give Pippa what she wanted.

"Ask me something easier. Ask me something easier and I'll answer you," Hecate pleaded as she looked back down at her hands. 

"Too bad that's the only thing I want to know," Pippa said sharply. She turned away from Hecate again. 

"I'm not doing this. Not now." Hecate's voice was hard. She needed to stop this. 

"You wouldn't do it then, you won't do it now. When would be a convenient time for you, Hecate? When will you tell me what the fuck happened? What happened between London and Berlin that made you hate me?" Pippa's voice cracked. She hit the car door with the side of her fist and glared at Hecate. There were tears in her eyes but Hecate knew she'd never let them fall. 

"I never hated you," Hecate shot back.

"Didn't you?"

"No, I didn't. Just because we couldn't…" Hecate's voice rose. She put down her water bottle. 

"Couldn't what? Have a rational conversation about it?

"Pippa–"

"No. If you think you did anything other than break my heart in the most cruel way imaginable, you're rewriting history. And fuck you. I never did anything to deserve what you did to me." 

"I never wanted–"

"Oh, you never wanted? Then why?"

‘I don’t want to…’

‘Why, Hecate?’

"Damn it, I thought I was in love with you. I _never_ hated you." Wide-eyed, Hecate drew back. Pippa looked at her in mirroring shock. 

"Then…" Pippa shook her head. 

"This conversation is over." Hecate turned away again.

"No, it isn't." Pippa grabbed Hecate's arm, forcing her attention back on her. "You can't just say something like that and expect me to drop it." 

Hecate's head spun. She couldn't be having this conversation. There were reasons she did what she did, why she had never told Pippa the truth. She just… she needed… The air between them was too thick. The car closed in around them full of unsaid things.

" _Stop_." Hecate wrenched her arm away from where Pippa was still holding it. "I can't do this." 

"But you can sit around all day pretending to be my friend?" 

"It's called _acting_." Hecate pulled a hand through her hair. 

"It's called _lying_." 

"You were doing the same thing." Why couldn't Pippa understand that it had been necessary? It had been what everyone wanted. 

"You didn't give me much choice." 

"You're impossible," Hecate ground out.

"So are you." 

Hecate couldn't tell which of them moved first, but she inhaled sharply when Pippa's lips met her own. Hot and hard, Hecate pressed her own lips back against Pippa's, tongue thrusting into Pippa's mouth at the first chance. She cupped Pippa's jaw with a strong hand, forcing her to stay close even as Pippa clutched at her shoulders. One of them whimpered. The intensity built, rough breaths barely filling Hecate's lungs as her blood turned to fire. 

With a hand on Pippa's hip, Hecate pulled Pippa across the space in the middle of the car until their bodies made contact. Before she could think, Pippa straddled her lap and tangled a hand in Hecate's hair. The kiss slowed but got deeper. Hecate wrapped her arms around Pippa's waist, needing to hold on while her head spun. 

The car lurched to a stop, forcing their lips apart. Hecate looked up at Pippa in pure shock. She took four shallow breaths before the panic caught up to her. What had she been thinking? What had they been thinking? This would only make things so much worse. 

In her panic, Hecate pushed Pippa off of her lap. "This– This never happened," Hecate said wide-eyed. She scrambled for the door handle and jerked it open before she spilled out of the car, feet hitting the asphalt and carrying her away before her thoughts could catch up with her.

* * *

**Then**

"I've been thinking about you." Pippa trailed her fingers over the small of Hecate's back. They had eventually made their way to Hecate's bed, and now, stretched out on it, Hecate hummed in response to Pippa's declaration. 

"Have you?" Hecate blinked lazily. Head pillowed on her hands, she didn't think she would ever want to move again. Pippa kissed the back of her shoulder. 

"I know what we said. I know…" Pippa shrugged helplessly. Hecate rolled onto her side to look at Pippa. She cupped the side of Pippa's face and kissed her in encouragement. 

"What is it?" 

Pippa took a deep breath. "I don't know what you want, and I know we probably don't have any sort of future, but I have a few weeks free and I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than here." 

Hecate felt something settle in her chest, something clicking into place. She pulled Pippa forward into another kiss. "If this is where you want to be, then you're welcome." Hecate nuzzled into Pippa and kissed her one more time, sweet and lingering. Pippa had other ideas though, and just as Hecate was ending the kiss, Pippa turned it hot and dirty, pushing her tongue into Hecate's mouth and bringing her hands up to Hecate's breasts. 

"I hope you don't think I'm done with you yet," Pippa growled, pushing Hecate onto her back and climbing on top of her.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now: Hecate and Pippa make music together.
> 
> Then: Hecate and Pippa begin their time together in London.

_Those days of warm rains come rushing back to me_  
_Miles of windless summer night air_  
_Secret moments shared in the heat of the afternoon_  
_Out of the stillness_  
_Soft spoken words_  
_Say it, say it again_

_-I Love You Always, Forever, Donna Lewis_

**Now ******

Music folio in hand, Hecate stepped into the cool of the recording studio once again. She tried not to think about just what she was doing there. Or rather, she tried not to think about who she might have to do it with. Would Pippa be there? Or after everything, would she have pawned Hecate off on one of her assistants after all? Hecate's singing part was small enough that getting an assistant to cover it wouldn't be unusual. 

She was a little early so she stepped into a side room to gather her thoughts only to run into an assistant putting away equipment. 

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to–" 

"No worries. You're fine." The other woman smiled at her and continued with her work. The room descended into silence. "Looking forward to today?" the assistant asked over her shoulder as she shoved a box onto a rack.

Hecate laughed. "Not really. I'm not much of a singer." There was something freeing about actually admitting it to someone. The assistant looked at her curiously. 

"If you don't mind me asking, if you can't sing, why did you agree to do the movie?" She kept arranging things as she asked only half paying attention to Hecate. 

"Oh, I can stay on pitch well enough, I'm just glad I don't have to carry any of the songs. Mildred is much better suited for that. Mildred and oh… what's her name? The woman playing Agatha. I can never remember it." Hecate searched her memory. It really was terrible that she couldn't remember the woman's name. The assistant merely shrugged. 

Hecate opened her watch and checked the time. "I need to get in there. It was good talking to you." 

"Yeah, you too." The assistant waved a hand in goodbye as Hecate opened the door and stepped back into the hallway. She did her best not to let her nervousness show on her face as another assistant smiled at her and opened the door to the sound booth to usher her in. 

As soon as she entered the room, she saw Pippa standing by the soundboard. She had her glasses on again, and her blazer sleeves pushed up her arms, and Hecate sucked in a breath. She supposed it made sense that Pippa would be there. If she was directing her first film, she wouldn't want to give up any control either no matter what her relationship with her co-workers was like. She assumed creating and producing the music for a film was much the same. 

Hecate stood in the doorway as they stared at each other.

"Hecate." Pippa smiled tightly. 

"Pippa." Hecate nodded. They were back to this, acknowledging each other in only the most superficial of ways. "Where do you want me?" It came out softer than she intended, maybe because of her nerves, maybe because of something else, some lingering need to apologize. 

Pippa swallowed. "Just through here," she said as she opened the door to the recording studio and led Hecate to a small booth. Pippa followed Hecate in and picked up the headphones that were draped over a music stand. "These are…" Pippa fiddled with the headphone for a moment before holding them out. "These are for you."

"Thank you." Hecate reached for them and their fingers brushed. Pippa looked down and away, a light blush coloring her cheeks. Hecate shifted on her feet as she put the headphones on. 

"Some people bring their own, but I assumed…" Pippa shrugged. 

"Thank you," Hecate said again. She looked at the music stand and put her copy of the score down on it. It was full of her voice coach's scribblings. Pippa looked at the score and raised her eyebrows.

"Wow." She spun the stand toward herself and looked over the notes with a critical eye. It was Hecate's turn to blush. 

"I hired someone." Hecate wrung her fingers together. 

Pippa smiled genuinely. "I should have known you would be prepared." She turned the stand back around. "It'll make things easier." Pippa moved to leave then thought better of it and turned back around. "There's no reason for you to be nervous. I promise I'll make it as painless as possible." She reached out and squeezed Hecate's hand. Outside of the anomaly of the car, it was the first time Pippa had touched her. They both looked down at their joined hands before Pippa self-consciously pulled hers away. 

"You know…" Pippa looked up at Hecate. "It's probably going to be a long day. I just wanted…" She sighed. "Truce?" She thrust her hand out in Hecate's direction. 

Hecate's eyes went wide as her eyebrows climbed up her forehead. "I… I wasn't aware we…" What sort of truce was Pippa talking about? A truce from the fighting? From the… from the thing Hecate wasn't thinking about? Hecate didn't know and there was no way for her to ask. 

Hecate carefully took Pippa's hand. They hadn't touched so deliberately in twenty years and Hecate did her best to ignore the frisson she felt as they touched now. She knew those hands. She _knew_ those hands. But she didn't know them at all. "Truce." 

Pippa nodded and finally let go of Hecate's hand.

Hecate watched Pippa leave the booth, ponytail bouncing behind her. She watched Pippa as she passed through the door to the recording booth then she adjusted the headphones over her ears and looked down at her score. 

"Alright, we're going to play a piano track now. You just need to match your pitch to it and we'll be good." Pippa smiled at Hecate through the two layers of glass that separated them.

* * *

Hecate took a deep swig from her water bottle as they paused between takes. She wondered if it would be considered too diva-ish to request a cup of tea. She absently rubbed the front of her throat and arched her neck to try to dispel some of the tension gripping her body. Slipping her headphones off her ears, she put them back on the stand. 

The process hadn't been terrible, but it certainly felt like more work than recording her lines had been. And Pippa kept changing where she wanted Hecate to breathe. They'd switched to a different key twice. It seemed like it was never going to end. 

She startled when someone tapped on the door to the recording booth. She hadn't noticed him approaching. She opened the door. 

"You took your headphones off before…" He shrugged. "Anyway, we're stopping for tea." 

"Tea?" Hecate asked. That coincidence was too good to be true, but she would take it. 

He shrugged again. "Pippa stops for tea, we all stop for tea. Brits, am I right?" Hecate raised her eyebrows. Despite hearing her sing for the past several hours, he seemed to have no awareness that she, too, was British.

Hecate left the small room to return to the sound booth where Pippa was already sipping her tea. She nodded toward a second cup. "It's slippery elm tea. I know it isn't your preference, but it's good for your throat." 

Hecate took a sip then wrinkled her nose. "It's…" 

"Kind of thick. Yes, I'm aware." Pippa laughed lightly and perched on the arm of the couch. "Come over here and sit down. You look tense, and you're supposed to be resting." She nodded toward the seat next to her. 

Hecate hesitated then found herself obeying. She could sit next to Pippa. She could deal with that. 

As soon as she sat down, she felt warm hands guiding her to sit sideways. "What…?" She looked up at Pippa. 

"You're tense," Pippa repeated. "And you're getting a headache."

"I don't see how…" Hecate knew what Pippa wanted. She had rubbed Hecate's shoulders before, when she had been racked with worry that they had been caught, that everything in her life, in their lives, was over. 

"Just… trust me?" Pippa looked at Hecate so sincerely that Hecate simply nodded and turned around. 

Hecate tensed up as soon as Pippa's hands touched her shoulders. Pippa made a displeased noise but didn't stop. She leaned forward and murmured, "drink your tea and relax," in Hecate's ear and suddenly Hecate didn't feel anything close to relaxation. It took everything she had not to shiver at the way Pippa's breath ghosted over her ear. Pippa seemed unaffected as she kept digging her fingers into Hecate's muscles. 

Hecate tried to do as she was told. She sipped her tea and submitted to Pippa's ministrations and eventually, she started to relax in spite of herself. Then Pippa scraped her nails through the hair at the nape of her neck and Hecate couldn't stop the shiver that ran down her entire body. 

Did she know that she still possessed the ability to feel this way? The rushing in her blood, the desire to drop her head forward and let Pippa do what she would. It wasn't the first time they had been in this position, but Hecate recalled it involving Pippa's lips as a much more prominent feature. What would it feel like if Pippa kissed her there now? Would it still drive her mad? She wanted to find out and she absolutely was not allowed to. 

Hecate gently pulled away from Pippa's hands, making sure she knew that she wasn't completely rejecting her. She turned back around and looked up at Pippa who seemed a bit dazed. Pippa closed her eyes, staying like that for several heartbeats before she opened them again. Hecate wouldn't swear to it, but she thought she caught a flash of desire reflected down at her. It made her chest constrict, forced the air out of her lungs, tightened the muscles in her throat. 

Pippa was not supposed to make her feel this way, unmoored and lost and wanting. She wasn't even sure if it was just sex she wanted or something more. The longer she sat there, the more muddled she became. 

Finally, she couldn't stand it anymore. Hecate stood and paced to the other end of the sound booth. "I think I'm ready to start again." She put her mug down on a side table. 

"Right." Pippa looked up at Hecate and Hecate knew she wasn't the only one feeling this new pull between them. She watched Pippa clench her hands as if stopping herself from reaching out again. They had tried this and it had ended in catastrophe. Hecate couldn't afford for that to happen again. She opened the door to take her back to the recording booth.

* * *

"One last take." Pippa's voice came through Hecate's headphones. She looked up from her score and over at Pippa. She didn't know when it had happened, she didn't know if Pippa even realized, but the look of desire Pippa had tried to conceal earlier was back in full force. She didn't know exactly what about her was so desirable in the moment. A sheen of sweat lightly covered her skin and she could barely talk through the rasp in her throat. 

Hecate had to swallow against the beating of her heart. She couldn't return it, not that look, not now, not unless she wanted to lose all control. She let her fingers rest again the bottom edge of the window trying to get relief from that small sliver of coolness. It worked only until she looked at Pippa again. It was like the recording technician wasn't even there. 

The air got hotter and more humid inside the recording booth. Hotter and more humid than it had been only moments before. The space closed in on her as she recorded the song once again. The song long since memorized, she looked at Pippa as she sang. Pippa's eyes felt like fire against her skin and she was burning up.

As soon as she finished the song, Hecate knew she needed to get out of there. After all of this time, she wasn't supposed to still want Pippa, to want to press her against the nearest wall, to press their bodies together. It looked like Pippa was saying something to the technician before she fled the room. 

What was that about? Without thinking, Hecate pulled off her headphones and followed after Pippa. This was such a bad idea. 

"Pippa," she called out as she watched Pippa open a door and step into the room beyond. Hecate jogged to catch up. "Pippa, if we could just…" Her breath felt tight in her chest as she pushed open the closing door and slid through it, catching Pippa's elbow. Pippa wheeled around as the door clicked shut. 

Before Hecate could catch her breath, Pippa pressed their lips together in a furious kiss. Pippa shoved her back against the door, molding her body to Hecate's as she buried her fingers in Hecate's hair, scraping her fingernails against Hecate's scalp in a way no one else had been able to replicate. 

Hecate didn't stop to think. She kissed Pippa back as hard as she could, lips against lips, hands grasping at Pippa's hips to pull her closer. They rocked against each other, tongues sliding back and forth until Hecate had to pull away if she ever hoped to breathe again. 

She stood there struggling to catch her breath as Pippa stared at her wide-eyed. It looked like Pippa might say something, but rather than letting her, Hecate leaned in again. She hesitated for a moment before their lips could touch, long enough for Pippa to voice any objections or pull away. Then suddenly they were kissing once more, slower, more languid this time. Hecate's lips moved over Pippa's seeking entrance to her mouth. Pippa granted it without hesitation and their tongues curled together. 

Hecate didn't know how long they stood like that, pressed as tightly together as they could get, kissing against a door in an empty, anonymous office. So much time had passed since the last time they had done this, but it felt like no time had passed at all. Pippa still knew exactly what to do to coax indistinct sounds from Hecate's mouth even as Pippa released moans of her own. 

Eventually, they slowed again and the kiss ended, though they stayed close together, noses brushing cheeks and foreheads resting together. 

"My house is closer," Pippa rasped out. 

"I can meet you there." Hecate cupped the side of Pippa's face, and Pippa turned her head into it. Hecate kissed the corner of Pippa's mouth. 

"I have to wrap up a few things here. The gate code is ten-fifteen. There's a key under the potted plant on the right." Pippa stared at Hecate's lips before leaning in and kissing her again. "I'll be half an hour behind you." 

Hecate didn't want to have to wait that long, but it seemed she had no choice. She nodded jerkily. She would give Pippa her half hour without complaint if it meant she got to touch her again. "You need to let me go," Hecate said as she looked down at where Pippa was still pressed against her. 

Pippa looked sheepish as she stepped away. "Half an hour," Pippa repeated. 

"Half an hour." Hecate sealed it with another short kiss before she ran a hand through her hair to set it back to rights. She grasped the doorknob and slowly opened the door. Hopefully, no one was in the hallway to see them sneak out.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate startled as she felt Pippa's ankle come to rest against her own under the table. There was a mischievous grin on Pippa's lips as she held a finger up to them and whispered a, "shhh." 

Hecate's eyes widened as Pippa's toes curled over the top of her foot. They were waiting for their dinner to be served, but despite the early hour, the restaurant was slammed, and it was taking an unusually long time. If they didn't get their food soon, Hecate would have to give up on the meal entirely in favor of getting to the theater on time. 

"I'm probably going to have to go straight to the theater from here," Hecate said as she looked at the watch that circled her neck. It was a recent affectation though not a recent purchase. She'd found the watch in a thrift shop in Hollywood before she'd found any sort of fame and instantly been attracted to it. Bought on impulse even though it didn't work, she'd found it again when she packed for London and brought it with her. A watchmaker had fixed it, and now she wore it around her neck whenever she wasn't in character. She assumed she would put it aside again whenever she inevitably returned to Hollywood. 

"If you must," Pippa sighed an over exaggerated sigh as she shook her head. "Whatever shall I do with myself while you're off being brilliant?"

"There's," Hecate cleared her throat. "There's a key under the mat. I should have given it to you earlier but…" She shrugged. She hadn't thought about it, hadn't thought about Pippa being anywhere other than at her side. 

"Mmm. I suppose I should go get some clothes from my hotel room." Pippa was still wearing what she'd had on the night before, though truthfully, they hadn't spent much of the day clothed at all. 

How Pippa did it, left her completely disarmed and at her mercy, Hecate didn't know. She just knew that she didn't think she would ever get enough of it. Things had happened so fast. Four days in LA five months ago, and less than twenty-four hours in London, and somehow Pippa had gotten under her skin in a way no one else ever had. It didn't make sense. It wasn't logical, but there she was letting Pippa move into her flat for almost a month with barely a thought. 

"That would probably be for the best, yes." Hecate moved her cutlery around, straightening the already straight pieces. What would happen if someone found out? Would they just assume she and Pippa were friends? God, she hoped so. 

Pippa reached for her hand, covering it with her own. Hecate recoiled almost instantly, looking around the restaurant to see if anyone might have noticed. 

Pippa looked taken aback but folded her hands in her own lap. "Sorry. I wasn't…" Pippa ran a hand through her hair, resettling it. "You make it hard to think." She shrugged. 

"It's…" Hecate looked down at her own hands before she met Pippa's eyes. "It's fine. You… you make it hard too. I just…" She curled her fingers up then relaxed them. "I can't afford for anyone…" Broomhead. She couldn't afford for Broomhead to know. Couldn't afford to have this get back to her. 

"I know. I can't either," Pippa said as Hecate nodded. Pippa's foot moved away from Hecate's leg and back to her own side of the table. 

Hecate looked for something to say, something to break the unpleasant tension that had taken over the table. Before she could find it, their server came back with their food.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now: Hecate goes on a field trip.
> 
> Then: Hecate and Pippa make plans for the future.

_Our dreams are young and we both know_  
_They'll take us where we want to go_  
_Hold me now, touch me now_  
_I don't want to live without you_

_-Nothing's Gonna Change My Love for You, George Benson_

**Now**

Hecate let herself into Pippa's house, placing the key she had used on a table beside the door. She expected ultra-modern white leather with splashes of bright colors, likely in Pippa's favorite shade of pink. A room set up more for entertaining than living. Instead, it was filled with wood and stone and a broken-in leather couch in an inviting brown shade. She could picture small dinner parties taking over the generously sized table, but not the impersonal LA parties that either of them attended far too frequently.

Despite its comfort, everything in the house had an understated elegance that could only be achieved with a substantial amount of money and a good decorator. Still, it radiated Pippa. Tasteful, yet vaguely erotic modern art graced one of the walls, and fresh flowers provided the colors she had expected to see everywhere. 

Hecate didn't know what to do with herself, so she wandered through the open space into the sleek kitchen. Despite the sharp lines, the kitchen looked lived in. A stack of mail sat on the island, and there was an open bottle of wine that Hecate decided to help herself to. A quick look through the cabinets offered up a wine glass. Rosé. She smiled to herself as she poured some. 

From the kitchen, she went back into the living room and took a seat on the sinfully soft leather couch. She put her glass down on the coffee table and started to remove her boots. There was no point in denying why she was there, and it would prevent having to awkwardly stop and remove them later. She followed that by lifting the chain of her watch over her head and placing it next to her wine glass. Then she picked up her wine glass again, curled her feet under herself, and tried not to overthink everything, to just exist in this space that exuded Pippa. She popped open the watch that now sat on the table. Twenty-two minutes. She closed it again. 

She was halfway through her glass of wine when she heard the key in the lock and stood, turning to face the door. 

Pippa walked in wearing little more than jeans and a camisole. She'd been wearing them before, though the camisole had been hidden behind a blazer, but Hecate hadn't been in the right mindset to appreciate the way the jeans hugged Pippa's figure or how thin and silky the top looked.

"I see you found the wine." Pippa toed off her ballet flats as she put down her bag and her keys. 

"I see you still favor rosé." Hecate quirked a smile as she put the glass down. Pippa walked into the kitchen, poured her own glass, took a sip, then abandoned it on the island as she walked over to Hecate. She didn't hesitate to step into Hecate's space and tilt her head up as she looped her arms around Hecate's neck. She pulled Hecate down into a soft kiss. Their tongues brushed together and Hecate pulled Pippa closer, pulled their bodies flush together. She moaned when she felt Pippa's breasts push against her own. 

Pippa pulled away and Hecate let her go. She took another step back before reaching a hand out to Hecate. Hecate took it. 

"The bedroom is this way." Pippa tugged at Hecate's hand and led her up a short flight of stairs and through a doorway. Pippa's bedroom opened up in front of them and Hecate's breath caught in her chest. The rumpled bed invited her closer. She turned and pulled Pippa back into her arms. 

"Let's see what else I remember about you." She melded their lips together as she started to lift Pippa's camisole over her head.

* * *

Hecate slowly came awake as a hand rubbed over her back. She took a deep breath and turned her face toward the sensation. 

"I fell asleep." Hecate snuggled down into the pillows before she rolled over onto her side. 

"Only long enough for me to go get our wine." Pippa nodded toward the nightstand where their glasses stood before she slid back into the bed. "I would tease you about it, but it's a wonder I didn't do the same thing." 

Pippa reached for Hecate's fingers and tangled them together before lifting Hecate's hand to place a fond kiss across her knuckles. 

Hecate sighed in contentment. "Not as young as we used to be." 

"No." Pippa smiled as she settled into the bed next to Hecate. "But I think the sex is better." She smiled impishly. 

"You're certainly more demanding than you used to be," Hecate teased. She kissed the point of Pippa's shoulder even as Pippa playfully shoved her away. 

"I just know what I want." Pippa laughed as she pillowed her head on Hecate's shoulder. "Miss, 'I fell asleep ten seconds after I came.'"

A blush spread over Hecate's face and chest, but she kissed the top of Pippa's head anyway. "Hand me my wine." She rolled her eyes. 

"Now who's being demanding?" Pippa sat up and reached for both of their glasses, holding onto them until Hecate could sit up as well. She took her glass and took a sip. She didn't get more than that before Pippa plucked the wineglass from her hand again and put both of them to the side. "Have I given you enough time to recover?" She threw a leg over Hecate's and settled into her lap before pushing her fingers through Hecate's disheveled hair. 

"Let's find out." Hecate pulled Pippa down into another kiss before she toppled them both over and landed braced on her hands over Pippa.

* * *

The sun was barely peeking over the horizon when Hecate started to wake up, the unfamiliar bed preventing deep sleep. Pippa was stretched out next to her, half on her side and half on her stomach, hand curled up on Hecate's chest. She looked at peace. Hecate needed to leave. She needed to get back home before anyone realized she had spent the night at Pippa's. She might be far too boring for photographers to follow her around, but they _did_ tend to trail after Pippa. 

"If you leave right now, I'll never speak to you again," Pippa mumbled, her eyes still closed. 

"It would be–"

"No." Pippa pulled herself closer to Hecate, molding their naked bodies together as she flung a leg across Hecate's hips and pinned her down. 

"Pippa," Hecate sighed. She put a hand on Pippa's thigh but didn't push it away. 

Pippa cracked open one eye. "I have a plan and you're disrupting my plan." She watched Hecate.

"A plan?" If Hecate sounded skeptical, it was because she was. 

"Mmhmm. It involves more sex, a hot shower, and breakfast, in that order. And then I suppose you can go home. But none of those things are happening before dawn. So get comfortable and go back to sleep for a few more hours." Pippa pressed her face to the outside of Hecate's arm and closed her eyes again. 

"The last time you tried to make me breakfast, you nearly burned down my flat," Hecate smirked, her attempt at sneaking out forgotten in the face of Pippa's sleepy commands. 

"That was twenty years ago. I learned how to cook." Hecate raised her eyebrows. 

"I'll believe that when I see it." Hecate let her own eyes start to close. 

"You'll see it in two hours, now hush." Pippa covered Hecate's mouth with her fingers. Hecate smiled against them. 

"Alright, you win." Hecate kissed Pippa's fingers and let her eyes close. 

"Already knew that. Now shhhh." Hecate didn't try to respond. She just took a deep breath and relaxed under Pippa letting sleep take her once again.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate stepped into her flat and looked around, trying to find Pippa. The flat was generously sized but not so big as to let another person easily hide in it. She walked around the couch only to find Pippa sprawled out on it dead to the world. 

Hecate sat on the edge and gently carded her fingers through Pippa's hair. Pippa's eyes fluttered open. "Time is it?" she mumbled as she covered a yawn. 

"Nearly midnight." Hecate would be awake for at least another few hours to wind down from the performance. 

"Mmm…" Pippa reached out and put a hand on Hecate's thigh. "Didn't mean to fall asleep. Kept me up too late last night." She smirked before she scrubbed a hand over her face and started to sit up. 

"You should go to bed." Hecate looked gently at Pippa. 

"No, I should wake up and welcome you home properly." She looped her arms around Hecate's neck and leaned in for a kiss which Hecate happily granted. She felt Pippa's tongue brush across her lips and opened her mouth as Pippa deepened the kiss. "If I'm only going to get a few weeks of this, I'm going to make sure I use every minute of it." 

"And what does that entail?" Hecate nuzzled against Pippa's cheek. 

"Do you need to eat something?" Pippa started scratching her nails over the nape of Hecate's neck.

"I can eat later." Hecate slid her hands under the hem of Pippa's soft, cotton shirt and started to lift it up and off of her. As soon as it was out of the way, she pushed Pippa back down on the couch and covered her body with her own. 

Just as Hecate started kissing down the center of Pippa's stomach, the phone started ringing. Hecate looked up. 

"I should…" Hecate moved only to feel Pippa's hand on her shoulder. 

"Let the machine get it." Their eyes held until Hecate ducked her head back down again. She tried to ignore the ringing but as soon as the machine picked up, she jolted away from Pippa.

"Hecate, I know you're there, girl. Pick up the phone." Hecate stumbled over to the telephone and wrenched it from it's cradle before Broomhead could be cut off. 

"Ms. Broomhead." Hecate gripped the phone too hard in her hand. "My agent," she mouthed at Pippa, shooting her an apologetic look before turning her back on her.

* * *

Something was burning. Hecate took a deeper breath and shot up. Something was burning. She turned around to find Pippa only Pippa wasn't there, a rare situation over the past week. She stumbled out of bed and pulled on a shirt before she made her way out to the living room. The smell was coming from the kitchen. She kept going only to hear a "shit, shit, fuck" coming from the other room followed by the sound of a pan clattering. 

Hecate finally made it into the kitchen. Pippa stood in the middle of it, a slight haze of smoke in the air. She looked up at Hecate with a sheepish look on her face. 

"I might have burned the sausage." She looked so contrite that Hecate had to laugh. 

"Did you take half of the kitchen with it?" She looked around to make sure nothing was actually on fire before she pulled Pippa into her arms. 

"I'm sorry." Pippa buried her face in the curve of Hecate's shoulder. "I was trying to surprise you."

"Consider me surprised." Hecate placed a kiss against Pippa's temple. "Don't worry. It's just sausage." 

Pippa huffed. "I suppose. But now you have to let me take you to breakfast." 

"If you'd like." The thought made Hecate vaguely uncomfortable, but she would do it anyway if it made Pippa happy. Still, what if someone saw them, had seen them at dinner earlier in the week and put one and one together and gotten three, that she and Pippa weren't just friends spending a few days together while they were in the same place. It would be disastrous. 

Ellen hadn't worked since she had come out, and she had far more of an established career than Hecate did. She couldn't let that happen to Pippa. She couldn't let it happen to herself. She thought she might… She didn't know what she thought, but it wasn't worth risking everything if she wasn't sure. 

But if Pippa wanted to go to breakfast, they would go to breakfast. She supposed they couldn't spend the entire month exclusively in her flat. She smiled as brightly as she could. "Let me take a shower and we can go."

"Would you like some company in that shower?" Pippa started kissing her way up Hecate's neck.

"I could be persuaded." Hecate ran her fingers through Pippa's hair as she tilted her head to the side to give Pippa greater access as she circled Pippa's waist with her arms.

* * *

The smell of flowers floated through the air as Hecate and Pippa made their way through the open air market. Pippa flitted from stall to stall while Hecate followed after her at a more sedate pace. Neither of them was looking for anything specific, but they had needed to get out of Hecate's flat for a little while, and the market was close enough to make it a pleasant walk. 

Pippa returned to Hecate's side and walked next to her, their hands bumping together but neither of them brave or foolish enough to grasp the other's hand. As they approached a flower stall, Hecate touched Pippa's bicep to get her to stop. Without saying a thing, she pulled out some cash and bought a bouquet of flowers. She thanked the seller and handed the bouquet to Pippa. 

"For you," she murmured bashfully, ducking her head before meeting Pippa's eyes. Pippa seemed to melt as she took the flowers from Hecate. 

"Thank you," Pippa swallowed against something and looked like she wanted to kiss Hecate. They couldn't but Hecate nodded in acknowledgment of the desire. Then Pippa focused on something over Hecate's shoulder. "I think our quiet afternoon is about to be interrupted." 

Hecate turned to see a girl of about 13 staring at them. She sucked in a breath as Pippa motioned with her head for the girl to join them. 

The girl ran up to them looking adoringly at Pippa. "You're Pippa Pentangle, right?" 

"Last I checked." Pippa's laughter filled the air as she smiled down at the girl. "What's your name?" 

"Uh… Alice. My name's Alice." the girl blushed. "I have tickets to your concert. My mum's taking me."

"Did you want an autograph, Alice?" Pippa asked kindly. Hecate tried to keep the tension from her body but it wasn't working. She was practically vibrating with it. Maybe the girl wouldn't recognize her too. 

"That'd be awesome." Alice beamed. 

"Cool." Pippa rummaged in her purse until she found a piece of paper and a marker. A couple of quick scribbles later and Alice had her autograph but she had attracted the attention of a number of the other people walking around, recognition in their eyes. A few more brave people approached them to get autographs of their own, and Hecate got relegated to photographer more than once, disposable camera after disposable camera passing through her hands. 

Hecate slowly relaxed as more and more people seemed oblivious to who she was. She was almost comfortable again when one of the adults turned to her as well. "Can I have your autograph too, Miss Hardbroom?"

Hecate must have stared at him for a bit too long because his face started to fall. She shook herself from her stupor. "Yes, certainly." He handed her the same piece of paper. Hecate was searching her own purse for a pen when one suddenly appeared in front of her. She looked up to see Pippa holding it out. 

She blushed as she murmured a, "thank you," before carefully signing her name below Pippa's scrawl. It wasn't the first time she had been asked for her autograph, but normally it was at the stage door after a performance. It came so rarely in public that she was always taken aback. She handed the paper back before anyone else could see, but one person was enough. If one person put it together and told the press, the tabloids would have a field day. If Broomhead found out how she was spending her time… 

She put a hand on Pippa's elbow to get her attention. "We should go." She looked at Pippa imploringly, and though it looked like Pippa might protest, she nodded instead. 

"Of course." She took back the flowers she had handed to Hecate earlier, smiling at them once again, before she headed back in the direction of Hecate's flat. Hecate walked beside her, their quiet afternoon together ruined and Hecate's good mood along with it.

* * *

"You can say it. I know you think I'm being paranoid." Hecate handed Pippa a glass of wine as she joined her on the couch. 

"Hecate, if something were going to happen, it would have happened two days ago." Pippa smoothed her hand over Hecate's knee. 

Hecate sighed. "I know you're right. I _know_ you're right." She rubbed a hand over her forehead before taking a deep breath and trying to force herself to relax. "I just…" 

"You worry." Pippa rubbed her hand over Hecate's knee. "But you don't need to worry about this anymore." She leaned in for a quickly granted kiss. "Now, come here and let me rub your shoulders where maybe you'll actually relax."

Hecate sighed again but did as Pippa told her to do. A second later she felt Pippa's hands on her shoulders, thumbs digging into tight knots as she sipped her wine. No one knew. If Broomhead was going to find out, she would have said something already. Just like she had in the past when Hecate's friends had disappeared whenever Broomhead thought they might pose a distraction. They were safe. They had to be. Pippa's fingernails scratched against the nape of her neck and sent a shiver down Hecate's body. If Pippa kept that up, it was going to be a very short massage. 

* * *

 

"You're sure you don't want to come to the concert tonight?" Pippa laid sprawled across Hecate's bed as she watched her pull clothes from her closet and toss them on the foot of the bed. 

"In case you've forgotten, I have my own show tonight." She leaned down and placed a lingering kiss on Pippa's lips. 

"Call in sick. Let your understudy take it." Pippa wrapped a hand around the base of Hecate's skull and kept her close for another kiss. "Isn't that what understudies are for?"

"Pippa, you know I can't." Hecate crawled on top of Pippa and kissed her again and again. "If I call in sick, Ms. Broomhead will be on the phone in five minutes with a lecture on professionalism."

Pippa sighed. "I know. I just… I only have this night left before the tour starts again. I want to spend it with you." 

"And you will. After the concert. I'll be here waiting." Hecate levered herself up again. "Now, you need to get up and get dressed where you can go to the venue, and I need to get ready to go to the theater." 

Pippa grumbled but did as she was told.

* * *

Hecate looked up from her book as Pippa used her key to open the door to Hecate's flat. She didn't know when she'd started thinking of it as Pippa's key, but the development made her happy. Maybe she'd let Pippa keep it after she left, just in case she ended up in London again in the next few weeks. 

Pippa buzzed with energy as she practically skipped into the flat. Hecate put her book aside and stood just in time to catch an exuberant Pippa in her arms. "I take it things went well?" Pippa's energy was catching and Hecate's face lit up. 

"Spectacular. I'll be exhausted tomorrow, but right now I'm so fucking high I can't stand it. God, that's a rush. Why the hell do people take drugs when they can just do _that_." Pippa smashed their lips together, pulling Hecate tight against her. 

Hecate laughed at how joyous Pippa was. "Well, not all of us can do _that." Hecate kissed her again as Pippa's fingers found the buttons of her blouse._

"You're overdressed. _I'm_ overdressed. We should be naked. We should be naked and in bed and together." Pippa caught Hecate's hands and dragged her toward the bedroom. Hecate laughed as she tripped after her.

* * *

Pippa trailed her fingers down Hecate's spine as they laid in bed together. The sun was slowly creeping up the horizon and Hecate wished more than anything that there was a way to stop time. She reached for Pippa's other hand and laced their fingers together. 

"I don't want this to end." Hecate met Pippa's eyes as she squeezed her hand. "I don't want you to leave." 

Pippa ran her fingers through Hecate's hair. "I don't want to leave, but I don't have much choice. There are far too many people counting on me to make this tour successful. I can't just abandon it." 

"I know. I would never ask that of you." Hecate leaned in and placed a light kiss on Pippa's lips. "I just wish there was a way…" Hecate shook her head. It was a daydream, a fantasy. They could never be together the way Hecate wanted. They would forever be looking over their shoulders. Eventually, someone would figure it out. Still… if there was a way… 

"Maybe… maybe if we just don't overthink it." Pippa pulled Hecate fully into her arms. "When do you wrap the play? It has to be soon, doesn't it?" 

"Three weeks. Then I'm supposed to go back to Hollywood. My next film starts shooting in two months." Hecate burrowed into Pippa's arms. 

"I'll be in Berlin in three weeks. Why don't you take some time and fly out? Stay with me for Berlin and Amsterdam. You can be back in Hollywood in plenty of time for your film. And my tour will be over in a few months. We could… we could see what happens." Pippa shrugged. 

"I…" Hecate took a deep breath and seriously thought about it. They could pull this off for a while longer, couldn't they? Hecate wanted them to be able to. She wanted it so badly. Pippa had to leave in a few hours and Hecate already ached with missing her. "Berlin?" 

"And Amsterdam." Pippa brushed back some hair from Hecate's face. "Say yes," Pippa whispered. "Say yes."

Hecate closed her eyes. She so rarely took risks. Everything in her life was planned for her. Broomhead had planned it all. Everything except Pippa. She couldn't have planned for Pippa. She needed to say no. She needed to end this now. Someone would find out. Broomhead would find out. She opened her eyes again. "Yes."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **CW: homophobic language**

_Well in case you failed to notice,_   
_In case you failed to see,_   
_This is my heart bleeding before you,_   
_This is me down on my knees, and..._

_These foolish games are tearing me apart,_   
_And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart._   
_You're breaking my heart._

_-Foolish Games, Jewel_

 

**Now**

"So, what are your plans for today?" Pippa asked as she looked up. She had just finished putting their dishes in the dishwasher after successfully making breakfast. Hecate still wasn't entirely convinced she could cook, but nothing had caught on fire and the pancakes had been enjoyable enough. 

"Unless you need me back at the studio for some reason, I don't have any." Hecate shrugged loosely. Barring any need to re-record something, Hecate was finished with the film. She had other projects lined up but nothing that was starting soon.

Pippa rounded the island to where Hecate was sitting on a stool and slid her arms around Hecate's neck as she leaned in for a kiss. Hecate happily granted it. 

"I wish I had time to get distracted by you, but Mildred is coming in this afternoon to record some of her songs and unlike with you, I can't force her to stay for hours and hours." Pippa kissed her again and again. 

"You should probably stop kissing me if you want to get there before noon." Hecate nuzzled against Pippa's neck and pulled her closer. Pippa slid onto Hecate's lap and kissed her once more, more deeply this time. Hecate splayed her hand over Pippa's stomach and Pippa's breath hitched. 

"I don't want to stop kissing you." Pippa scratched at the nape of Hecate's neck. Hecate shivered at the touch. 

"If you keep doing that, we'll end up doing more than kissing." Hecate rubbed her hand over Pippa’s stomach and up toward her breasts. 

“And if I want to do more than kiss you?” Pippa husked into Hecate’s ear. 

“You’re the one who just said we don’t have time.” Hecate cupped one of Pippa's breasts and brushed her thumb over her nipple through her shirt and bra. 

Pippa tugged on Hecate’s hair and tilted her head back for another, more thorough kiss. They stayed that way for several long minutes just kissing as Hecate continued to stroke Pippa's nipple. She could feel it get hard under her fingers. Pippa sighed into Hecate's mouth and gripped at her shoulders. Finally, they pulled apart. 

"If you don't get up, I won't be responsible for my actions." Hecate moved her hand from Pippa's breast to her thigh and swept it up to her hip. 

"Fuck." Pippa groaned and dropped her head onto Hecate's shoulder. "If it were anyone other than Mildred, I'd say screw it and just be late. Right now, I hate child labor laws." 

Hecate gently pushed Pippa off of her lap. Standing, Pippa straightened her skirt, pulling it back down as she took a step away and leaned against the counter. Hecate took a deep breath and tried to recenter herself. 

"My point was, if you're not doing anything later, you should come back over." Pippa cupped the side of Hecate's face. "I'd like to see you again."

Hecate turned her face into Pippa's hand and placed a kiss to the center of her palm. "Are you sure that's… wise?" 

Pippa laughed in good humor, "My life isn't so interesting as to inspire twenty-four-hour surveillance. Particularly not the past few years." She brushed some hair back from Hecate's temple. 

" _This_ is interesting. Together, we're interesting." And Hecate wasn't ready for her life to be splashed across TMZ's website or whoever specialized in celebrity gossip these days. 

"Then it's a good thing nobody knows about this. And nobody is going to find out just because you come to dinner." Pippa put a light kiss on Hecate's lips. "Please?"

Hecate looked down at her hands. Pippa was right. It was just dinner. Well, it was more than dinner, but it wasn't anything suspicious. There was no reason for anyone to pay attention to them.

"Alright." Hecate looked back up and leaned into the kiss Pippa placed on her lips. 

"Yay," Pippa said softly. "I should be back by seven. You should take the extra key and just let yourself in if I'm not back by then." 

Hecate let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. "If that's what you want." 

"It is. It's very much what I want." When Pippa kissed her again, Hecate had a feeling she was talking about more than just one night.

* * *

"I brought Thai," Pippa called out as she opened her front door and pushed it open with her body. Hecate looked up from her spot on the couch. She put down her book and stood, meeting Pippa in the kitchen and taking some of the food from Pippa's overburdened arms and putting it down on the counter. "I wasn't sure what you liked, so I got an assortment." 

"You know you could have called." Hecate pulled containers out of plastic bags and arranged them between them.

"I did think of that." Pippa leaned in and placed a quick kiss on Hecate's lips. "Then I realized I don't have your phone number. Just the one for your assistant. I figured you wouldn't appreciate me calling her to get your takeout order." 

"That's easily fixed. And I'm sure I can find something to eat in all of this." Hecate nodded toward the large expanse of food in front of them. 

Pippa pulled out her phone, unlocked it, and slid it across the counter to Hecate where Hecate picked it up and started to add in her contact information as Pippa pulled out plates and opened containers. It was only after Hecate finished and looked up that she realized Pippa was staring at her. 

"What?" Hecate raised her eyebrows. "Is something wrong?"

"Mmm. I just realized I missed a key step in saying hello to you." She sauntered around the island and toward Hecate until she was close enough to wedge herself between Hecate and the counter. She grabbed the chain of Hecate's watch with one hand and wrapped her other arm around Hecate's neck, using both to pull Hecate down and into a long kiss. Once it ended, she brushed her nose against Hecate's cheek. "Hi."

Hecate cleared her throat. "Hello." She pulled Pippa in closer and revelled in the feeling of their bodies pressed together. 

Pippa cupped Hecate's face and brushed her thumbs over Hecate's cheeks. "I missed you." 

The way Pippa said it left Hecate wondering if she was just talking about the afternoon or something more profound. If it was the latter, Hecate wasn't sure exactly what she would do. After all, she had tried so hard to stop thinking about Pippa, and she was sure Pippa had done the same. Despite their past, they might as well be strangers now. It didn't feel like they were strangers. It already felt like they fit together too well, just like before. 

Hecate often forgot just how short a time she and Pippa had spent together. The longest and shortest month of Hecate's life. A month that could have changed everything. A month that _had_ changed everything. How easy would it be to fall back into that? It wasn't a good idea, but Hecate could already feel the pull of Pippa's curves, of her skin, of the smell of her hair when she first got out of the shower, and the taste of her lips right after she brushed her teeth. She could feel the pull of quiet dinners and long hours spent in Pippa's bed. She couldn't get carried away. Not again. 

"Stop thinking so hard." Pippa kissed Hecate again. "It's just dinner and maybe a film if you're agreeable. I hear you like those." She smiled up at Hecate. 

"I've been known to watch one on occasion," Hecate said dryly. 

"Good. Now, let me open a bottle of wine and we can eat."

* * *

Hecate opened her eye to the moonlight streaming through the sheer curtains that covered Pippa's windows. She still wasn't used to sleeping in a bed that wasn't her own. Pippa was curled against her side, and Hecate could feel her every exhale against her skin. 

Even after twenty years had passed, Pippa was still beautiful. Something in Latin over her ribs had joined the owl on her back. Splashes of color covered her wrists and arms, hips and thighs, and Hecate had spent at least an hour looking at each one, coaxing the stories behind them out of Pippa, even the ones she'd only gotten on a whim.

Hecate nuzzled against the top of her head and placed a kiss there. Pippa shifted beside her but didn't wake. Hecate knew if she tried to roll out of bed that would change. How worried was Pippa that Hecate might disappear again? And why was she willing to take that risk? Even knowing her own motivations, Hecate didn't know if she could be as brave. 

Hecate rolled toward Pippa and pulled her into her arms. What was she willing to do to keep this? To keep something that already seemed more serious than was probably warranted? What was she willing to give up?

* * *

**Then**

Hecate smiled as she pushed open the door to her dressing room. They had fewer than five performances left, just one week, and she was already thinking about afterward. She had booked her flight to Berlin earlier in the day and she couldn't wait to see Pippa again. She didn't know what would happen after that, but she didn't care. Whatever happened would be worth it. It was much, much too soon, but her feelings for Pippa overwhelmed her. So caught up in her plans for the future, it took Hecate more than a few seconds to realize she wasn't alone. 

Hecate stopped short. "Ms. Broomhead." Her agent. What was her agent doing in her dressing room? What was she even doing in London? The last Hecate had heard, she was in Hollywood. 

"Hecate." Broomhead's voice was hard as she stood from where she had been sitting in Hecate's chair. She stepped aside and motioned for Hecate to take a seat. Hecate's stomach churned, but she did as she was bid. 

"What are you doing here?" Hecate tried to keep a pleasant tone. There was no reason for her to feel such trepidation. There were myriad reasons for Broomhead to be in her dressing room. Still, nothing good came to mind. 

"Since when have you starting making friends with _pop stars_ ," Broomhead sneered. 

"I…" Hecate licked her lips. "I don't…" Pippa. This was about Pippa. How much did Broomhead know? How did she know anything?

"Don't lie to me, girl." Broomhead put her hands on Hecate's shoulders, her nails digging in a bit too sharply. "Pippa Pentangle," she spit out. "I thought I could trust you to spend six months in London on your own without my supervision. Clearly, I was wrong." 

"I don't…" Hecate looked up at Broomhead through the mirror. Maybe there was a way to salvage this. She swallowed nervously. "Why is that a problem? She's just a friend." There was no way Broomhead could know about anything else.

"Is she? Is she 'just a friend?'" Broomhead narrowed her eyes. "Dyke." 

Hecate flinched. Broomhead had never been a pleasant person, but Hecate had never heard such venom in her voice. Her eyes went wide. 

"Did you enjoy fucking her?" Broomhead tightened her grip on Hecate's shoulders. "I hope you did because you won't get another opportunity." She shoved Hecate forward, forcing Hecate to catch herself against the vanity. Her wrists protested. Hecate couldn't breathe. This was… this was exactly what she had been afraid of. It was over. Everything was over. 

"I should quit. I should walk away from you and your _perversions_." Broomhead crossed her arms. "It's fortunate for you that I like you, Hecate." She smiled but her eyes remained hard. "And I'm not going to go to the press with this."

Hecate tried to swallow. She gripped the vanity harder. Her knuckles turned white. "I… I don't… I…" 

"We are going to fix this. We are going to pretend it never happened. You will _never_ see Pippa Pentangle again. If you do, you will make it abundantly clear that this past month was a mistake and that you are not. like. her. If she wants to throw away a perfectly good career that is not _our_ problem." 

"But…" Hecate pleaded. 

"Anything else and I will tell the Sun, the Mail, and the Mirror that Pippa Pentangle is a _lesbian_ and she will be _finished_."

"I'll fire you. I will." Hecate tried to stand up for herself. It was the hardest thing she had ever done. Hecate couldn't remember a time in her life when Broomhead hadn't been her agent, hadn't been hovering at the edges of her life, controlling her every move, every film, every interview, every appearance, everything. 

They had been there in the past when Hecate had been a teenager, when she'd barely known what a lesbian was, let alone thought of herself as one. Broomhead had threatened her then, told her to stay away from the girls she had lingered over on set. 

As she had gotten older, the threat had seemed less important than the few women she found to spend the night with here or there. Sneaking around had been a thrill but it hadn't prepared her for Pippa. Pippa, who was only supposed to be another one-night affair.

But Pippa was more than that now. Pippa… Pippa was everything. Hecate didn't know what her life would look like without Broomhead in it, but she would try. For Pippa, she would try. 

"No you won't, girl. All of your success, you owe that to _me_. If you fire me, it all goes away. The films, the awards, everything. I tell the entire world about you and you never work again. And Pippa… well, let's see how supportive those mothers and fathers of teenage girls really are, shall we?"

Hecate's face crumpled. If Broomhead had threatened her, maybe she could have withstood it, maybe she would have been brave enough, but she couldn't let Broomhead ruin Pippa. She couldn't. Hecate dropped her head into her hands and pressed her palms against her eyes. 

"Do you understand, Hecate? One word and it's over."

Hecate swallowed against the lump in her throat. "I understand." Hecate wouldn't cry. She refused to cry. She refused to give Broomhead the satisfaction. 

"Good girl." Broomhead turned to leave. "Now, get dressed. We're going to dinner with a producer I want you to charm."

* * *

Hecate gripped her watch in her hand. She didn't need to look at it to know what time it was. She was supposed to be getting on a flight. She was supposed to be that much closer to Pippa. A few hours from now, Pippa would be at the airport waiting for her. She would never show up. 

Instead, she sat on her couch surrounded by luggage bound for Hollywood. She squeezed her watch even tighter until the edges bit into her skin. And then she cried.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things fall apart, part 2

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_   
_Or the moment of truth in your lies_   
_When everything feels like the movies_   
_Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive_

_And I don't want the world to see me_   
_'Cause I don't think that they'd understand_   
_When everything's meant to be broken_   
_I just want you to know who I am_

_-Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls_

**Now**

Hecate woke up alone in Pippa's bed to the sound of the shower running and the smell of coffee. How many times had she been there before? How many times had she chosen to run? She yawned and rubbed her eyes before pulling the ridiculously fluffy duvet back and standing. It amazed her that she hadn't woken when Pippa had gotten out of bed. Instead of lamenting that, she padded toward the bathroom. 

Pippa stood in the middle of the overly large shower, water pounding down on her as she finished rinsing her hair. Hecate leaned a hip against the counter and watched through the glass doors. It was such a departure from the last time they had showered together, in a small stall in London, and before that in Pippa's cramped tub in LA. 

"I can feel you staring, you know." Pippa pushed her hair out of her face and turned to look at Hecate. "I thought you were never going to wake up." Pippa swung open the door to the shower. "Get in here before I let all of the warm air out."

Hecate smiled and pushed off of the counter. "If you insist." She walked over to the shower, stepped inside and pulled Pippa into a kiss.

* * *

Hecate cocked her head to the side as she felt the vibration of her phone in her purse. She was sitting at a cafe eating lunch, and she was tempted not to answer it. Still, she was waiting for her assistant to tell her whether or not the script for her next film was going to arrive that day. She was supposed to have received it the week before, but rewrites had delayed it. So she pulled her phone out and looked down at the screen where she saw Pippa's name. An unbidden smile came over her face as she answered it. 

"Hello."

"Hi, you." Something inside Hecate relaxed just hearing Pippa's voice and her smile got wider. 

"What can I do for you?" Hecate leaned back into her seat. 

"Come join me for lunch." Pippa's voice was light. 

"I'm already at lunch. My food will be here soon." Hecate shook her head even though Pippa couldn't see her. If Pippa had called ten minutes earlier Hecate would have joined her in a heartbeat. She just… she wanted to be near Pippa and she'd take any excuse to do it. 

"Then tell me where you are and I'll come to you." 

Hecate laughed. "I'll be finished by the time you get here."

"I don't care. Do you care?" Hecate could hear the way Pippa was smiling. 

"I'm on the patio at Basil." Hecate gave in, shaking her head as she did it. She couldn't believe Pippa would drive so far out of her way just to have lunch with her when there were so many more convenient options near the studio. 

"I'll be there in twenty minutes." 

"You'll be here in half an hour." Hecate rolled her eyes. Even half an hour was ambitious, but Hecate would wait for her anyway. 

"Give me twenty minutes and then order me some spring rolls." 

Hecate chuckled but she would do what Pippa wanted her to do. She was pretty sure she would always do what Pippa wanted her to do.

* * *

Pippa flung herself into the chair across from Hecate and smiled at the spring rolls waiting for her. "You're a dream." Her smile grew as she looked at Hecate. "I wish I could kiss you silly right now."

Hecate couldn't stop the blush that overtook her cheeks. "The sentiment is… mutual." She hoped no one was listening to them. The entire town might think that she was gay but she had no desire to confirm or flaunt it. Pippa… there was no subtlety in dating Pippa. Were they even dating? Hecate didn't want to ask. 

Pippa practically inhaled the first of the spring rolls before the server came over and took her order then poured her a glass of wine. As soon as the server was finished, Pippa lounged back in her seat and pulled off her sunglasses. 

"So, what have you been up to all morning?" Pippa pressed her ankle against Hecate's and Hecate pressed back. 

Then Hecate frowned.

"Oh, that doesn't look promising." Pippa grinned at her. "I wish I had a hat."

Hecate couldn't help herself. She shook her head and laughed. She was sure she had smiled more in the last forty-eight hours than she had in the entire year before. "I'm supposed to be reviewing a script but they keep doing rewrites. I'll be surprised if it's even the same movie by the time they've finished it." 

"Will it really change that much?" Pippa sipped her wine. 

"It had better not or I won't be participating." Hecate was annoyed enough by the rewrites as it was. Hecate sighed. "The screenwriters and the director are both young. I should have known better before I said yes, but they've got a promising vision, and even I can be blinded by hope." 

"Is that so?" Pippa teased. "God, I just…" She looked at Hecate with bright eyes. "It's too bad we're too level headed now for assignations in bathrooms. I want to drag you off and spend the rest of the afternoon… Well, I think you can fill in the blank." 

Hecate looked down at her hands as she blushed once more. She could still remember that evening. They had been so reckless, so caught up in each other. 

"Glad I'm not the only one who remembers that." Pippa laughed again.

"I remember all of it." She remembered the entire month they had been together, how very happy she had been and then everything that came after. 

Pippa looked like she had been poleaxed. "You…" She swallowed, looked down and then looked back up. "You do?"

Hecate met her eyes but she could only nod. Her mouth was dry. 

"I do too." Pippa reached across the table and took Hecate's hand. Hecate flipped her palm up where they could hold each other's hands. Pippa squeezed her hand tightly. Hecate squeezed back. They were still like that when the server returned and placed Pippa's order in front of her. 

Pippa thanked the woman and finally let go of Hecate's hand. She cleared her throat. "So, I'm doing a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in a few weeks…"

"Yes, I've seen your face on a billboard or ten," Hecate smirked and tried to get them back to the lighter atmosphere of the beginning of their lunch. 

Pippa rolled her eyes. "I'm trying to invite you but you're making it very hard. Unless my music has devolved from 'not terrible' to deplorable?" 

"Your music is… adequate, I suppose." Hecate tried not to think of the collection of Pippa's albums that sat on her bookshelf at home. Listening to Pippa was an indulgence she allowed herself only when she was feeling particularly masochistic but she _did_ listen. 

Like that, Pippa laughed again. "An improvement then. Tell me you'll come. Suffer through one concert, and I'll never make you come to another." 

"I…" Hecate didn't know why she was hesitating. It should have been easy to say yes. She sighed in acquiescence. "It's going to be excessively loud, isn't it?" 

"We'll get you ear plugs. We'll find you a place backstage. It isn't as loud back there." Pippa's eyes sparkled. 

"I suppose that would be acceptable." Hecate sipped her wine. It would be fine. She would be backstage. It wasn't an announcement. There was nothing to worry about.

* * *

Hecate fingered the backstage pass before she slipped it over her head and settled it over her chest. Her driver opened the car door and she nodded to him. She would be getting a ride with Pippa when everything was finished, so she tipped him and sent him on his way. Her black jeans were tighter than she preferred but her assistant had assured her they looked good on her and what else exactly did one wear to a pop concert? 

A security guard carefully examined her pass then waved her through the door. Once she was inside, she wasn't sure what to do with herself. Pippa had instructed her to come by her dressing room, but Hecate didn't have the first idea about how to find it. 

Just as she was about to ask someone, a voice called to her out of the stream of people flowing around her. 

"Ms. Hardbroom," the young man came to a stop in front of her. "Pippa sent me to take you back to her." 

"Did she?" Hecate pursed her lips. The boy radiated energy that Hecate didn't share. 

"Yep. It's just this way, ma'am." He started down a side hallway.

"And who, exactly, are you?" She might as well make small talk with him. It seemed like it was going to be quite a walk. 

"I'm Tommy. Thomas." He blinked. "Anyway, I'm an intern." 

"An intern?" No wonder he looked so young. 

"Yes, ma'am." Tommy reached a door with a conspicuous star on it. He rapped hard on it twice before swinging it open. "If you wait here, Pippa will be back from makeup soon."

"Thank you… Tommy." Hecate nodded at him. 

"No worries." He smiled at her before he disappeared back down the hallway, jogging off to do whatever he had to do now that he wasn't playing tour guide to a wayward actress who felt entirely out of place. 

Hecate looked around the room. It didn't look much different from any of the hundreds of dressing rooms she had used over the years, though there were substantially more sequins. 

She took a seat in a side chair and tried to get comfortable while she waited. 

Her mind was just starting to wander when the door opened and Pippa strode through. 

"Hecate!" Pippa didn't wait for Hecate to stand. She simply straddled her lap and pulled her into a kiss. Between Pippa's work in the studio, rehearsals for the concert, and the exhaustion that came with doing both at the same time, Pippa and Hecate hadn't seen each other in more than a week. It was good to know Pippa had missed her, but she hadn't anticipated this level of enthusiasm. Her hands went to Pippa's hips to hold her steady while they kissed. 

Pippa sighed happily as the kiss ended, and she sat back on Hecate's lap. She brushed her thumb over Hecate's lips to removed the smudges of her too bright lipstick. 

"You came." Pippa closed her eyes for a moment of quiet contentment. 

"I did." Hecate looked up at Pippa. 

"I'm so glad." Pippa ran her fingers through Hecate's loose hair. 

Hecate smiled up at her. "I wouldn't be anywhere else." She had felt completely out of place in the hallway, but here in Pippa's dressing room, she felt calm again. 

"As much as I would love to stay here and make out with you the rest of the night, I suspect the 17,000 people sitting outside wouldn't be happy with me." Pippa kissed her one last time before she got up off of Hecate's lap. "Did you meet Tommy?" 

"The child who showed me back here?" Hecate pursed her lips. 

"Yes, him." Pippa laughed. "You're going to have to spend a little more time with him. He's going to show you a good place to see everything from backstage." 

"Does he have any sort of job other than to babysit me for the night?"

"Not really." Pippa looked at her impishly. "I promise, he normally does highly educational things. He's just been seconded to you for the night. If you need anything, he's at your disposal." 

"I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm not the one entertaining those 17,000 people." Hecate watched as Pippa touched up her lipstick. 

"Well, I need to get dressed, so you need to disappear or I'll get completely distracted." Pippa held a hand out to Hecate which she took as she stood. "I'll see you afterward?" Pippa stepped close to Hecate and looked up at her. 

"I'll be wherever Tommy puts me," Hecate replied before Pippa kissed her one last time and pushed her out of the room.

* * *

Hecate watched as Pippa jogged back off stage following her second encore. Hecate could hear the roar of the crowd from where she was standing, had been able to hear it all night. She thought she might be feeling just a fraction of what Pippa felt while she performed. It was exhilarating. It was like being on stage at a theater only a thousand times more intense, a thousand times bigger. 

What would it feel like if she could get on stage before that many people? She had always shied away from such large scale theater events. Maybe she would have Ada look into it if she was presented the opportunity again. They staged Shakespeare at the Hollywood Bowl sometime and there was always the summer series in Central Park. 

She didn't have time to think about it anymore as a pink blur caught her attention and before she could react, Pippa threw her arms around Hecate's neck and pulled her down to kiss her. 

Before their lips could meet, Hecate turned tense in Pippa's arms and pulled back. 

"What…?" Pippa looked at Hecate in confusion. "What's wrong?" 

Hecate swept her eyes over all of the people rushing around them. Between the stagehands, the dancers, the technicians, the musicians, and the _interns_ , it felt like a thousand people were staring at them. Hecate's spine went rigid.

"Hecate," Pippa reached down and took Hecate's hand. "No one here cares." Hecate didn't grasp Pippa's hand back. "If they cared, they wouldn't be working for me. Everyone in the world knows that I'm gay." 

Hecate took half a step back. "That may be, but it isn't true of me." 

Pippa looked at Hecate in confusion. "Hecate, darling," Hecate flinched at the term of endearment. Pippa wasn't keeping her voice down. Anyone could hear. "If you wanted that rumor quashed, you should have done something about it years ago. Everyone in town knows…" Pippa shook her head in confusion. 

"Just because everyone in town thinks they know, it isn't the same thing, and I have every intention of keeping it that way. And until this moment, _no one_ knew about us." Hecate took another step away. 

Pippa blinked. "That's the real problem, isn't it?" She swallowed as she looked up at Hecate. "You're fine with this as long as no one _knows_ you're sleeping with the pop star." 

"I just don't want my life to be fodder for the tabloids," Hecate shot back. 

"What did you think would happen when we started this? Did you think we could keep it quiet indefinitely? Is that what you wanted?" Pippa balled her hands into fists. "Because if that's what you wanted, you never should have come to this concert."

"Pippa…" Hecate couldn't believe they were doing this now. She couldn't believe they were doing it at all. She had thought… She didn't know what she had thought. 

Pippa shook her head. "No, Hecate, I can't be with someone who wants to keep me a secret. I've done that before. _We've_ done that before. I'm not doing it again." 

"I'm sorry but I can't live my life in front of everyone in the world." 

"Well I do live parts of my life in front of everyone in the world, and you knew that before you took me to bed." Pippa shook her head. Before Hecate could respond, Pippa took her hand and pulled her through the corridors and back to her dressing room. She let Hecate's hand go and paced to the other side of the room.

"I'm not asking you to appear on the cover of Time Magazine or cry to Oprah. There aren't any cameras back here. There aren't any journalists. Kissing me isn't a grand statement." Pippa huffed. 

"Be that as it may, my life isn't for public consumption. I don't tweet. I don't post pictures to Instagram or do whatever one does with Snapchat. I work and sometimes I go out to a benefit dinner where no one really cares who I am as long as I'm giving them money. I get dressed up three times a year and have my picture taken and submit myself to impersonal interviews about my dress and my jewelry. That is the extent of my public life and I don't want that to change." Hecate crossed her arms. 

"Everything changes. Can't you see that? We can keep this quiet, but we can't keep it a secret forever. I won't be your secret. I do tweet and I do post pictures to Instagram and no one over the age of twenty-five understands Snapchat." Pippa tried to inject some levity into the situation. 

Hecate didn't laugh.

"Why did you come here tonight?" Pippa looked at Hecate seriously. 

"Because you asked me to. I didn't come to make some sort of semi-public statement." 

"Fine… that's… that's fine." Pippa rubbed her forehead. "Look, I know we aren't talking about the past, about what happened, but I need to know that it isn't going to happen again. I need to know that you're taking this seriously. I thought that's what tonight meant, that you might not be comfortable in front of the whole world, but that at least you'd be comfortable here. I wanted… I wanted to come off that stage and throw myself into your arms and _have you catch me_."

"Pippa…" Hecate crossed the room and hesitantly reached out for Pippa. "I do." She swallowed against the dryness in her throat. "I do take this seriously." 

Pippa took a deep breath and closed her eyes against the tears welling up in them. "But that’s just it. I don't know if words are enough anymore. I want to be able to hold your hand while we walk down the street. I want to be able to come with you to those benefit dinners and awards shows and have you come with me to mine. I can't… I can't have anything less than that. And I don't want to wait for some unknown date when you'll be ready because it sounds to me like you'll never be ready." Pippa stepped away from Hecate and shook her head. 

"I'm sorry. I don't think I can do this. Not if you want to keep hiding." Pippa bit her lip as she looked at Hecate expectantly. "Is that what you want?"

Pippa held her breath. Hecate knew what she wanted to hear. She knew… She wanted… but she couldn't. She wasn't ready, not for that, not for her face to be all over Pippa's Instagram feed or on the cover of a tabloid. 

She couldn't tell Pippa what she wanted to hear. 

Pippa held up a hand as the threatened tears started to fall. "I need you to leave."

"Pippa…" Hecate reached out again only to have Pippa avoid her touch. 

"Just… Just go." Pippa crossed her arms over her stomach. 

Hecate took a deep breath, felt tears coming to her eyes as well. 

"Alright. I… I'll go." It wasn't what Hecate wanted to say, but she didn't know what else she could do. She turned toward the door and let herself out.

* * *

**Then**

Hecate sat at the outdoor bar and sipped at her scotch. The heat pressed down on her until she felt like she couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She was stuck in place. Her 'date' for the night was inside talking to a director who wasn't going to give him the time of day, but he had ignored her when she had told him as much. It had been 74 days since she had last seen Pippa and she still thought about her every day. Broomhead's imposed dates only made the situation worse. Each one only made her wish that she was with Pippa even more. She hoped that they would stop when her filming schedule started to pick back up again the next week.

Hecate tugged lightly on the watch around her neck. She refused to take it off now. She took a deep breath and held her scotch glass to her temple even though it wasn't cold enough to do any good. She just wanted the night to be over. 

"I should have known you'd be here." It was more a whisper than actual spoken words.

Hecate's breath caught in her chest and her heart stuttered. She turned too quickly to find Pippa standing at the bar next to her. 

"Pippa," she exhaled as if seeing a ghost. She honestly thought she would never see Pippa again. Now that Pippa was beside her, she didn't know what to do. She wanted to tell her, to pull her aside and apologize and beg Pippa to forgive her. She wanted… A wave from her date across the room brought Broomhead's threat back to the forefront of her mind. Did he know? Was he feeding Broomhead information? There was no way for her to know. She couldn't… she couldn't risk it. 

"Hecate." Pippa's voice was small and tentative. She looked like she wanted to reach out but was only just keeping the desire at bay. Her champagne flute trembled.

"You should take your _blanc de blanc_ and leave." Hecate turned away from Pippa. She couldn't show any interest. The shorter the conversation, the better. 

"What happened? Berlin… you didn't show up. I waited at the airport for hours." Pippa shook her head. 

"Some of us have careers. Serious ones that don't allow us to flit off to other countries on a whim." Hecate looked back at the mirror behind the bar. She couldn't look at Pippa directly any longer. 

"How can you. I thought… What we had…" Pippa looked at Hecate in confusion, and Hecate wanted to reach out and smooth away the lines on her forehead. She wanted so badly to tell Pippa the truth. She couldn't. 

"We didn't have anything. We had a fling." Hecate tried to be as dismissive, as disaffected as possible. 

"That wasn't a fling. It was something more." Pippa reached out for Hecate's arm but Hecate shrugged her hand off as soon as she made contact.

"Maybe for you, but I'm not like you." Hecate shook her head condescendingly. "It was just… a poorly thought out experiment."

"You don't believe that. You _can't_ believe that." Pippa pleaded. Hecate could see the tears gathering in her eyes as she slowly accepted the truth. God, Hecate wanted to stop, but she needed to keep going. 

"Go away. This conversation is over." She tossed back the rest of her scotch and stood.

As she walked past, Pippa caught Hecate's arm. "It isn't. It can't be. Hecate, I was… I was falling in love with you."

"It was one month, Pippa. You were falling in love with a dream. It was never going to be anything else. If you can't understand that, then you should keep your distance." Hecate had fallen in love with that dream. She wanted it back. She couldn't have it. All she could do was protect Pippa, keep Pippa away from her, keep Pippa safe. 

Hecate walked away without looking back until she reached her date. If Pippa had any hope left, Hecate needed to quash it. It was nothing to pull him down into a slightly less than discrete kiss. His stubble scratched at her, but she reminded herself that it wasn't real. The way his lips pressed against hers was nothing like the way it felt when Pippa kissed her. It was all she could do to end the kiss with grace. She looked over at Pippa as it ended and watched her face fall. It was for the best. Pippa needed to know Hecate was telling the truth.

Hecate took hold of her date's arm and forced herself to press close to him. There were people at the party she needed to talk to. She hated networking. She would do it anyway. It was hardly the worst thing she would do that night.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hecate remembers some key moments from the past

_There were days when the sun was so cruel_  
_That all the tears turned to dust_  
_And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever_

_I finished crying in the instant that you left_  
_And I can't remember where or when or how_  
_And I banished every memory you and I had ever made_

_-It's All Coming Back To Me Now, Celine Dion_

**Now**

Hecate pulled into the parking lot at the recording studio, automatically checking the lot for Pippa's car. It wasn’t there, and Hecate didn't know whether to be relieved that she wouldn't run into her that day or sad for the same reason. They hadn't seen each other since they had broken up. Hecate supposed that was normal. They had avoided seeing each other for years. A few weeks wouldn't be hard to accomplish. 

And yet it was. Hecate sighed and rubbed her forehead. She didn't want to get out of her car. She didn't want to go into the building without Pippa. At some point, Pippa and the building had become linked in her mind. She saw the building now and all she could think of were Pippa's hands on her shoulders as she sipped unpleasant tea, of Pippa pressing her up against a wall while they kissed again for the first time in decades.

Hecate fought back tears as she realized that Pippa really was gone. This wasn't a fight where they would make up in a few days. She sat and stared ahead and just tried to breathe. 

She startled badly when there was a tap on her window. With a gulp of air, Hecate turned to see Gwen standing beside her car. She rolled her window down. 

"Hecate, dear, is everything alright? You've been sitting out here a good while." Gwen looked at her in concern. 

"No, no. Everything's fine." But Hecate couldn't get out of her car. As if sensing her dilemma, Gwen rounded the car and got in the passenger seat. 

"Why don't you tell me what's really the matter." Gwen reached over and put her hand on Hecate's knee, giving it a slight squeeze. Hecate looked down at the hand on her knee. Broomhead might have been the reason for all of those early awards, but Gwen... Gwen was the reason she had a career at all. Long, afternoon talks with Gwen in her trailer had given Hecate an idea of the actress she wanted to be, had taught her how to fully embody a role. She had listened to Hecate's troubles and passed her sweets that Broomhead had forbidden her. If there was anyone Hecate could talk to, who would understand, it was Gwen. 

"I think… I think I've done something horrible." She had driven Pippa away and now that she was gone, there was nothing Hecate could do about it. It was over and she might never see Pippa again. As Hecate's first tears started to fall, she dashed them away with her hand.

"Does this have something to do with Pippa?" Gwen asked gently. Hecate took a shaky breath and nodded and truly started to cry.

"There, there, dear. It can't be as bad as all that. Why don't you tell me about it, and we'll see if we can't muddle through to a solution." Gwen pulled out a handkerchief and offered it to Hecate. It took her a few minutes to start, but then she told Gwen everything. 

**Then**

_1999_

Hecate turned on the radio then immediately turned it back off again. She took a deep breath then slowly turned the radio back on. She shouldn't… She knew she shouldn't. As soon as the volume was loud enough, Hecate closed her eyes as Pippa sang. It hurt. God, it hurt.

The words were about her. She knew that the words were about her, but she couldn't stop herself from listening. The song was everywhere. Even months after its release, it topped the charts. Hecate couldn't escape it. 

The Grammys had been a few nights before, and Hecate had tried not to watch them. Somehow, her TV ended up on during the last hour, though she couldn't recall just how it had happened. She had watched Pippa perform, watched as the cameras zoomed in on her face as tears gathered at the edges of her eyes. The tears never fell, but it was a close thing. Pippa had been captivating. Not just to Hecate. The entire world knew who Pippa Pentangle was now. 

Pippa had won, of course. She had won song of the year; album of the year. From what Hecate could tell from the news coverage the next day, Pippa had won every award she could. It seemed like Pippa had become a household name overnight and Hecate couldn't escape her. 

Hecate forced herself to turn the radio off. She was supposed to be getting ready for another 'date' with one of Broomhead's choice of partners for the moment. Who knew how long he would last. She couldn’t fathom what exactly these men got out of dating her. It certainly wasn't sex. She supposed it must be recognition. Hecate hated it. She turned her radio on again and just caught the end of Pippa's song. 

Hecate knew she shouldn't listen, but she also knew that she would turn her radio on over and over again just to hear Pippa's voice, just to feel close to her again.

* * *

_2004_

Flick. Flick. Flick. A hundred channels and there was nothing on TV. Hecate sat on the edge of her couch towel drying her hair as she tried to find something that would hold her interest. She was in the middle of filming and an early call time meant she needed to go to bed, but she was too wound up from her day. She knew she would just end up awake if she tried to sleep now. She had hoped that the shower would help, but instead, it just left her restless. 

It was Broomhead's fault. Broomhead who had just earlier in the week told Hecate of her plan to marry her off to Egbert. Just thinking about it had Hecate's shoulders tense and her stomach tied in knots. It had kept her awake all week. How far was she willing to go to keep up this charade?

Hecate tossed the towel onto the couch beside her and kept changing channels. Flick.

A distinctive blonde head suddenly appeared on Hecate's screen. Hecate stopped. MTV. That made sense, but Pippa wasn't actually there. It was just a picture of her. Hecate was ready to turn the channel when the presenter started speaking. 

"And in other news, acclaimed musical icon Pippa Pentangle held a press conference today announcing to the world that she's a proud member of the LGBT community." 

Hecate froze. Pippa… Pippa was out. 

Hecate didn't hear the rest of what the presenter said, but when he finished, Hecate let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding. 

If Pippa was out, that meant… Hecate swallowed. It meant it was over. All of it. Broomhead's threat was gone. Now that Pippa was safe… She didn't care if Broomhead outed her. Maybe her career would survive. Maybe it wouldn't. Either way, she no longer cared. Pippa was safe. 

Ignoring the time, Hecate picked up her phone and dialed a number she had long ago memorized. She waited for the call to connect. As soon as it did, she said the only thing she cared to say. "You're fired."

Hecate practically threw the phone back into its cradle. She couldn't believe she had done it. She had actually fired Broomhead. She felt dizzy. She pressed a hand to her stomach and tried to catch her breath. Broomhead… She was gone. 

She would have to find a new agent, one who wouldn't care that she was a lesbian, who wouldn't force her on dates with men just to maintain a reputation she didn't want.

Now, now it was over. Broomhead had loomed over her head for so long, terrified her for so long. Now, she was free.

* * *

_2005_

Hecate climbed up to the stage and took a deep breath before she took the statuette from the presenter. This second Oscar somehow seemed heavier than the first. Or maybe she felt sluggish because earlier in the night, she'd listened to Pippa sing live. It was the first time, the only time, she had seen Pippa perform and been in the audience. She'd plastered on a fake smile just in case the cameras found her and tried to ignore the way her heart ached as Pippa sang a ballad. 

It had been seven years. Her heart had no business pining over Pippa still. If only Hecate could convince herself of that. 

She turned the statuette around in her hands and started her acceptance speech. She knew it by rote so she looked across the audience as she said it. Somehow, she caught Pippa's eyes. They stared at each other across the distance and even though nothing Hecate said referenced Pippa, the speech became about her. 

Pippa was close enough to the stage that Hecate could see the way her throat worked. She could see as Pippa wiped away a tear. What did that mean? Her tongue felt as heavy in her mouth as the statuette felt in her hands. She tripped over her words. 

She looked at Pippa once again as she was guided off stage. This needed to end. She needed to stop. Anything she and Pippa had had was long dead, no matter the look in Pippa's eyes that said maybe, maybe she still felt something too. Maybe…

* * *

Hecate stood motionless in the middle of the afterparty, a glass of champagne she had no interest in drinking held loosely in her hand. She didn't care about the people around her. She only… she only wanted to find one person. 

She spun in a slow circle as she tried to find Pippa. She needed to know what Pippa had been thinking right after Hecate had won. She needed to know if there was actually a chance… 

Hecate made her way through the crowd when a flash of blonde hair caught her attention. She turned toward it. There she was, smiling and laughing and having what looked to be the night of her life. Hecate took a step forward then another. She was almost close enough to call out when a woman in a black tuxedo swept Pippa up in a hug then dipped her back into a kiss that far surpassed something friendly. 

Even as they stood up, they kept exchanging small kisses between laughs. Hecate felt like she had been punched in the stomach. She remembered now. Pippa was dating someone. Josephine something or other. Hecate took a step back, took a step away. She couldn't do this. It wasn't her place. Pippa had moved on. It was time for her to do the same. 

* * *

_2011_

Hecate half smiled as another person congratulated her as she made her way to her dressing room. The potential to win an Olivier hadn't been why she had decided to take a break from Hollywood to return to London for a while, but it certainly didn't hurt. Now that the nominations were official though, it helped justify her decision. 

"Way to go, Hecate," Mark, one of the supporting actors, said as she passed him in the hallway just as she opened her door. She was there slightly earlier than she had to be, but she had a feeling everything was going to take a bit longer that evening. Even walking down the hallway had taken longer than usual. 

Hecate took a deep breath before she opened the door to her dressing room. Flowers. There were flowers everywhere, in every size and color imaginable. Stepping inside was like walking into a greenhouse. Every flat surface was covered and several arrangements were sitting on the floor. She stepped carefully around them then started moving them off of her vanity where she would be able to get ready for the show that night. 

It was while she was moving them that she saw the small bunch of violets. Her breath caught in her chest, and she let out a ragged exhale. Hecate moved without thinking about it, lifting the flowers and searching for a card. She got the same bouquet at some point during every show she did, but there was never a card. She didn't know why she was looking for one now. 

The hard cardboard stopped her short. She put the flowers down in favor of pulling the card from its envelope. 

_Congratulations_

It was scrawled in an unfamiliar hand, likely written by the florist who had taken the order over the phone. She didn't know where Pippa was, but she knew she wasn't in London. 

Hecate tucked the card back in with the flowers. She decided then that she would take them home with her that night. She'd give the rest of the flowers away to anyone who might want them.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And let me start by saying, "I love you."

_I long to see the sunlight in your hair_  
_And tell you time and time again how much I care_  
_Sometimes I feel my heart will overflow_  
_Hello, I've just got to let you know_

_'Cause I wonder where you are_  
_And I wonder what you do_  
_Are you somewhere feeling lonely, or is someone loving you?_  
_Tell me how to win your heart_  
_For I haven't got a clue_  
_But let me start by saying, I love you_

_-Hello, Lionel Richie_

**Now**

Hecate sat tiredly in her chair on the set of Hallowed Hills. It was only the middle of the afternoon, but they had started shooting at 6 in the morning, which meant getting to hair and makeup at 5. It wasn't unusual, but it wasn't a joy either. She rubbed her forehead in an attempt to drive off some fatigue, but it wasn't working. 

She watched as Esme, the film's startlingly young screenwriter, poured herself a cup of coffee and then took the seat next to Hecate's. Her smile was just as tired. Screenwriters didn't usually spend so much time on set, but the rewrites continued even though they had already started filming, and truthfully, it seemed like the director simply wanted her there as some sort of safety blanket.

Esme shifted in her seat and furtively looked at Hecate then back at her coffee. The cycle repeated several times. Finally, Hecate could take it no longer. 

"Whatever it is, you're better off just telling me. What have you changed this time?" Despite the annoyance of the rewrites, the changes thus far had improved the story rather than detracting from it, so Hecate chose to accept them with equanimity. 

Esme took a deep breath. "I didn't intend… I mean, it wasn't the point… We're not making…"

"Esme," Hecate tentatively reached out and placed a hand on Esme's shoulder. It made Esme jump but it also seemed to relax her. She looked over at Hecate with thanks in her eyes. "Just… one word at a time. I promise I'm not going to yell at you or storm off the set."

Esme nodded and swallowed as Hecate removed her hand. "We want to make your character a lesbian. Not as the focus of the film, but there's a scene we want to add where she talks to her wife on the phone. We were originally going to have it be her husband, but it didn't feel right for the character. Or maybe it just didn't feel right for you? I mean, there's been this subtext in every film you've been in for the past decade, so maybe that's it."

Hecate's eyes went wide but Esme jumped in before she could say anything. 

"I know you've never actually, textually played a lesbian, but we… I… I just thought, if anyone was up for some surprise gayness, it would be you. I mean, if you hate it, we don't have to do the scene. It just… It seemed like a good idea?" Esme's rambling finally stopped. 

Hecate put her hand back on Esme's shoulder and squeezed it. 

"Why do you think I'm here?" 

"I don't… I don't understand." Hecate looked at Esme gently. 

"Why do you think I'm here? It's certainly not because you can pay me. So clearly, I must be getting something out of it." Hecate waited for Esme to come up with an answer but she just seemed lost. Hecate took pity on her.

"I'm here because I believe in you, and I believe in your vision. Without that, I wouldn't be here. Without you, I don't have a character. If you think Margaret calls her wife, then she calls her wife. Write the scene and I'll play it. Do you understand?"

Esme nodded. "Yeah." She exhaled as Hecate let her go again. "Thanks. Thank you." 

"You're welcome. Now, I think there's a young woman approaching us, and she must be here to see you because she certainly isn't here to see me." Hecate nodded to a woman approaching Esme from behind. 

Esme turned and lit up. She hopped up from her seat and met the other woman with two quick steps. Esme wrapped her arms around the woman and pecked her on the lips. They had a short conversation before she took the woman's hand. Esme tugged her forward shyly until they were by Hecate's side again. 

"Uhm… This is Safiyya. She's my girlfriend and she really wanted to meet you. Safiyya, this is Hecate Hardbroom." Esme squeezed Safiyya's hand before she let it go so Hecate and Safiyya could shake hands. 

"It's lovely to meet you. Esme is very talented, so I imagine you must be as well." Hecate looked between the two women noticing how both were blushing and that they were holding hands once again. 

"Thank you." Safiyya rubbed a hand over her cheek. "Can I just… Can I say, I really look up to you. I'm an actress and I just… you approach your roles with such bravery. I hope I'm doing the same." 

"That's…" Hecate swallowed. "That's very kind of you to say." She didn't know that she had been particularly brave, but she would accept the compliment. 

"It must be a relief to get to actually play a queer character instead of just constantly hinting at it."

Hecate raised her eyebrows. Clearly, Esme and Safiyya had discussed the changes to the script already. "I told Esme it was ridiculous for her to worry about asking a lesbian to play a lesbian, but…" Safiyya shrugged. 

"Yes, well." Hecate fought down a blush. "I'm looking forward to it." 

"Babe." Esme squeezed Safiyya's hand again. "We should probably leave Hecate alone."

"Right." Safiyya smiled at Hecate. "It was really awesome to meet you." She waved as Esme drew her away. 

Hecate watched them go still holding hands as they walked toward the offices. It seemed so easy for them. Hecate knew it couldn't be as easy as it looked, but still… What would her life have been like if she and Pippa could have walked around holding hands without worrying about losing their careers, even losing their lives? 

Hecate looked down at her hands. But they could have that, couldn't they? It was only Hecate's desire for privacy that was keeping them from walking around holding hands. Wasn't that what Pippa had said she wanted? To hold her hand, to go out with her, to just… live their lives together. And Hecate had said no. God, she was an idiot. Pippa was on the other side of the country and she was an idiot.

* * *

She was an idiot.

She loved Pippa. She _loved_ her. None of the rest mattered. None of it. It didn't matter that there would be gossip and that her precious, precious privacy would be gone. She _needed_ Pippa. She couldn't go back to missing her for twenty years. 

She picked up her phone, thumb hovering over Pippa's number to call her. No. That wouldn't be enough. Pippa had said words wouldn't be enough anymore, that she needed to be a part of Hecate's life, that she wouldn't wait for Hecate to be ready. Well, Hecate was ready now. She just hoped it wasn't too late.

She would be cutting it close, but if she could catch a flight to New York soon, she could make it before the episode of Saturday Night Live Pippa was hosting started. Suddenly, it had become very important that she see Pippa before Pippa had a chance to go on stage. 

It was late enough that she felt guilty calling her assistant, but Barbara had a way of making things happen that Hecate couldn't explain. Hecate stepped into her trailer to make the call. 

"Hecate?" Barbara picked up the phone. "What's wrong? Are you in the hospital? Is someone dead?"

Hecate ignored both questions. "I need to be on the next flight to New York. Kennedy, La Guardia, wherever. It doesn't matter how much it costs. Just get me there." 

"Alright. Give me a little time and I'll call you back, okay?" 

Hecate huffed in impatience. "Fine. As soon as you can." Hecate didn't wait for Barbara to hang up. She tapped the ‘end’ icon on her phone. She needed to get home. She needed to pack.

* * *

The area backstage in Studio 8H was a warren of rooms and corridors. With only a few minutes to air, people rushed around in a frenzy. A few people did double takes when they saw her hunting through the hallways, but they were used to random celebrities showing up at the last minute. It was entirely possible she had a cameo in a sketch and no one had told them. It wouldn't be the first time. No one accosted her but it meant she had to get someone's attention to give her directions and that was surprisingly difficult.

Finally, she found one of the crew members and stopped her. "Pippa Pentangle's dressing room?" 

"Two lefts and a right," the crewmember motioned with her head before she disappeared behind the stage. 

Hecate followed her directions as best she could and finally found a room with a star on its door and Pippa's name written in dry erase marker. Hecate took a moment to compose herself. After this, she couldn't go back. 

She knocked on the door, waited for a muffled "come in." It never came. Hecate tried the handle and the door opened easily enough but when she leaned into the room it was empty. 

Hecate looked around frantically grabbing the arm of someone walking past. "Where's Pippa?" 

She must have looked as unsettled as she felt. The man looked at her twice before he nodded back the way Hecate had come. "Stage right."

Hecate nodded and ran back the way she had come. She had minutes, maybe even seconds before Pippa had to go on stage and Hecate _needed_ to talk to her first. 

Finally, she found her way back to the stage. Pippa. She needed to find Pippa. She looked around desperately until she finally laid eyes on her. A few big strides had her close enough to reach out but before she could get there, Pippa turned and looked at Hecate in surprise. "Hecate, what are you doing here?" Her words nearly got swallowed up by the general din of everything going on around them. 

"I love you." Hecate took a shallow breath.

"What?" Pippa shook her head. "I can't hear you."

Hecate took a deep breath. "I love you," she shouted over all of the noise around them. Suddenly everything was quiet. 

"What–?" Pippa reeled back. "I… Hecate?"

"I love you. I have always loved you and I will always love you and I don't care who knows. We can take out a sign in Times Square if you want, but I can't spend another day without you." Their eyes locked together. 

"You wanted to know if I was serious. I'm serious. I'm here and I have never been so serious about something in my life," Hecate said with conviction. "If you want me to be there to catch you, I will _always_ be there." Hecate's chest heaved and her heart beat in double time as she waited for Pippa to say something. 

"Hecate–"

"Pippa Pentangle to the stage. Pippa Pentangle to the stage," rang through the PA system. Pippa growled in frustration. 

"I have to go. You just… stay here. If you aren't here when I finish…" Pippa pursed her lips. However Pippa wanted to finish that threat, she didn't get the chance as her name was called out again and a stagehand came over. The noise level picked up again. 

With one last look back, Pippa stepped onto the stage.

* * *

After the monologue, Hecate watched the show from just beside one of the cameras, forced to move from the wings by the crew. But Pippa would know where she was. She would be able to see her the entire time. Pippa had looked dazed until the last second before her monologue started but suddenly snapped into focus as they counted her in. She kept things funny and light and as she always did, she left the studio audience charmed. She left Hecate in awe. 

Hecate paced as much as she could in the small space. It felt like she was in purgatory as she waited for the hour and a half to come to an end. Sketch after sketch passed without her attention. What had Pippa wanted to say? After ninety minutes to think about it, what would Pippa say when the show ended?

Finally, it was over. The cast devolved into a party on stage, dancing around as the cameras faded out but even before that could happen, Pippa was pushing her way through the crowd. Hecate waited with bated breath as Pippa got closer. 

Without warning, Pippa broke into a run and threw herself at Hecate, arms around her neck and legs around her waist. Hecate staggered back and nearly tripped over the camera before righting them both. Somewhere a laugh rang out. 

"If you ever do something like that to me again, I will murder you." Before Hecate could respond, Pippa pressed their lips together as hard as she could and pulled Hecate down into a deep, searching kiss. Hecate's mind reeled. She grasped at Pippa's waist and held on for dear life. She couldn't afford to drop Pippa. Their lips were swollen and bruised by the time the kiss finally ended and they pulled apart, though neither of them went far. 

"You'd really take out a billboard in Times Square?" Pippa whispered.

"If that's what you want." Hecate brushed her nose against Pippa's cheek. 

"Why don't we start with the afterparty and go from there?" Pippa kissed Hecate once again. 

"You mean I can't just take you back to your hotel room?" Hecate frowned.

"I have to go to the party. It's only polite. And if I have to go, you have to go because I'm not letting you out of my sight any time soon." Pippa buried her face into Hecate's shoulder and finally let her legs fall back to the floor. Hecate kissed the side of her head. "In case it wasn't obvious, I love you too. The past month has been horrible. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." Hecate somehow pulled Pippa even closer. "I thought about you every day until I just… I couldn't bear it anymore. I wasn't going to spend another twenty years pining for you." 

"I'm glad you're here, but I need to take my makeup off now and get changed, where we can go to this damned party." Pippa slowly extracted herself from Hecate's arms. 

"Do you want me to…?" 

"Not a chance in hell." Pippa squeezed Hecate's hand. "I meant what I said about not letting you out of my sight. We'll just have to control ourselves for ten minutes." 

"If that's what you want." Hecate would do anything Pippa wanted without question.

* * *

The party had been interminably long but they were finally in the elevator on the way to Pippa's room. Pippa hadn't let her get more than an arm's length away all night. They had touched constantly, hands on elbows and backs and waists. They'd stopped only long enough to drink the champagne Kate McKinnon had bought to toast to their renewed relationship. The champagne was gone along with the crowds, and they were alone. Pippa laced their fingers together and looked at Hecate through the side of her eye, a grin overtaking her face. 

"You really jumped on a plane and flew across the country to tell me you loved me." Pippa swayed closer and held onto Hecate's hand harder. 

"I did." Hecate blushed. 

"You know I'll be back in LA in a few days, right?" Pippa couldn't keep the smug amusement out of her eyes. 

"It seemed very important that I tell you as soon as possible." Hecate looked down at their joined hands. 

Pippa moved until she was standing in front of Hecate. She reached up and cupped the sides of Hecate's face. "It was _incredibly_ romantic." She leaned in and kissed Hecate lightly. She stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Hecate, resting her forehead on Hecate's shoulder. "I hope you know you're not getting any sleep tonight."

Hecate laughed as the elevator door opened. "Let's at least get into your room first." 

"If you insist." Pippa led Hecate down the hallway to her room and opened the door. As soon as they were through it, Pippa pressed herself up against Hecate and covered her mouth with her own. Hecate curled her fingers into Pippa's waist and held her close as they kissed. 

"I'm also going to insist we find your bed. I don't think I'm capable of sex against a door anymore." 

Pippa laughed between the kisses she left on Hecate's neck. "I think you're wrong, but I'm not opposed to not ending up on my back on the floor." She stepped back and grabbed Hecate's hand again, pulling her through the suite and into the bedroom.

* * *

Hecate gasped as she felt how wet Pippa was under her fingers. She pushed one, then two inside her thrusting in then pulling out. "Pippa…" They were finally here, completely and fully. Pippa was naked beneath her, skin pressed to skin as they moved against each other. 

Pippa clutched at Hecate's shoulders as she arched up into Hecate's touch, moving her hips in rhythm with Hecate's thrusts. Each moment brought her closer to the edge and Hecate could feel the tension building in her body. 

"God, Hecate," Pippa moaned. She cupped Hecate's face with her hands and drew her into a kiss. She wrapped her legs around Hecate's waist. "Please. Please." She pulled Hecate closer and closer and closer until there was no space left between them. 

"I love you. God, I love you." Pippa tossed her head as they moved together. Hecate couldn't believe they were here, together, and she wasn't going to let Pippa go again any time soon. 

Sweat shone on their bodies as the air in the room got hotter and hotter. The blankets were already strewn on the floor. Hecate had already made Pippa come once. She could still taste her on her mouth, but she needed to be inside Pippa, fingers as deep as they could go. 

They kept rocking against each other as Hecate brought her thumb around to touch Pippa's clit. She still remembered how to touch Pippa. She was sure she'd never forget. She circled Pippa's clit in time with her thrusts. 

" _Please_ ," Pippa whimpered again as she pushed her hips up. 

"I've got you, Pippa. I've got you." Hecate whispered as she kissed Pippa’s neck. She gasped as Pippa's nails scratched over her shoulders. Hecate bent her fingers forward and slid her thumb along the side of Pippa's clit just the way Pippa liked and then Pippa curled into her, muscles tightening, clenching and unclenching as Pippa came around her fingers. 

Hecate kissed Pippa through the aftermath, gently helping her down until she calmed again. As Hecate removed her fingers, Pippa started laughing. She wrapped her arms around Hecate again. 

"I love you," Pippa said. "I love you so much."

* * *

Hecate hummed in contentment. It was nearing sunrise as they laid in bed entwined in each other. Pippa played with Hecate's hand turning it over to trace the lines of her palm then back over to trace the tendons on the back. She brought Hecate's hand up to kiss her fingertips. Sated for the moment, neither of them was willing to part from the other long enough to go to sleep.

"Have there… This is going to make me sound jealous, and I promise I'm not, but have there been others?" Pippa looked up at Hecate from where she was settled on her shoulder.

"A few. Not many." Hecate shrugged. There was no use in pretending otherwise. "None of them were you though."

"All of those men they said you were dating?" Pippa trailed her fingers down between Hecate's breasts to her stomach where she splayed out her hand.

"A cover, but there were women. Very discreetly. More after Ada became my agent, but never… never anything serious."

Pippa nodded. 

"You dated, oh, what was her name?" Hecate remembered seeing them together at the Oscars. She remembered how happy Pippa had looked.

"Mmm, Josephine." Pippa snuggled closer.

"Right. You dated her for a few years, didn't you? Was is serious?" Hecate kissed the top of Pippa's head as she pulled her a little closer. 

Pippa shrugged. "As serious as it could be when I was still hung up on someone else."

"Pippa…" They hadn't really talked about the past yet, about what had happened. About Berlin and everything that came after. It hurt Hecate to know that Pippa hadn't been as happy as she could have been and that it had been Hecate's fault.

"No. It's fine. I promise." Even though they were already skin to skin, Pippa pulled Hecate closer.

"The violets." Hecate ran her fingers over Pippa's forearm where the flowers in question were inked on her skin. "Every play I ever appeared in, halfway through the run, I'd get a bouquet of violets."

Pippa blushed and looked away. "Are you asking if I sent them?"

"No. I always knew it was you." Hecate cupped Pippa's face and turned it towards her. She leaned in placed a light kiss on Pippa's lips. "It made it very hard to forget about you."

"Is that what you wanted? To forget about me?"

"Yes." Hecate said softly. "And no. I tried. I tried for fifteen years. I could almost get there, but then one of your songs would come on the radio or I'd see you in a tabloid at the grocery store. And there were the violets." 

"I'm sorry I made things more difficult." Pippa sounded contrite. Hecate kissed her lightly to silence her. 

"By succeeding? By being a star? Don't wish away those things on my account. If I had really wanted… but I didn't. Not really."

Pippa nodded. She snuggled into Hecate's shoulder. "I wrote about you. Every song on _Longing_ was about you. And on _Revelations_. On all of them, really. It was the only way I knew…" 

Hecate sucked in a breath. 

"It was Broomhead." She said it before she knew what she was saying, the name just tumbled out. 

"You're old agent? What does she have to do with anything?"

Heate took another deep breath. She had never wanted Pippa to find out why it had ended. She knew that Pippa would blame herself, but a revelation for a revelation. Wasn't that a lyric in one of Pippa's songs? "She found out about us. I don't know how. I never figured that out." 

Pippa lifted her head from Hecate's shoulder and looked down at her, curiosity written on her face. Hecate couldn't meet her eyes. "She threatened to out you. That's why I didn't come to Germany. She said if I went, she would tell the world. She couldn't do anything to me, it would have destroyed her career too, but you…" Hecate shook her head. "It was 1998. You weren't touring with Lilith Fair. It would have destroyed your career. I couldn't make that choice for you." 

Pippa's eyes went wide as she stared at Hecate. Hecate stared back, searching for Pippa's thoughts. 

"I… I never would have… Hecate. Oh, _Hecate_.” Tears welled in Pippa's eyes but she blinked them away. 

"You know," Pippa chuckled wetly. "I always wanted to play Lilith Fair. I could never convince my management it was a good idea. 'Not your sort of music,' they said." 

"Pippa, this isn't…" 

"Shh… I know." Pippa kissed her lightly and settled again. Hecate could tell that her mind was still reeling. "You got rid of Broomhead."

"After you came out. She lost her leverage. She wanted me to marry Egbert and you came out and I… I was so tired of the threats. I just couldn't anymore. If she outed me then..." Hecate shook her head. "But she didn't. She just… retired." 

Pippa splayed out her hand over Hecate's stomach. "If I had known…"

"It wouldn't have changed anything. Neither of us could afford to be out then but you would have wanted to do it anyway just to protect me. I couldn't let you." Hecate shook her head. Pippa's breath caught in her throat. 

"You're…" Pippa swallowed. "You're right. I would have done it in a heartbeat. If it had meant we could have been together…"

"We couldn't have." Hecate looked away again. "I loved you, but that love wouldn't have been enough. Not then. We both wanted too much. We would have constantly been looking over our shoulders. We never would have been able to tell anyone. In the long run, it wouldn't have been enough."

"But now it is," Pippa said with certainty.

"Now it is."


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hecate and Pippa attend the Academy Awards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are at the end!
> 
> Major thanks to roguebeachcomber for finding all of my missed commas and her wonderful feedback. 
> 
> Also major thanks to cliotheproclaimer without whom this fic would look completely different and definitely wouldn't be as good. 
> 
> Anyway, they're both awesome

_'Cause there was a time when all I did was wish_  
_You'd tell me this was love_  
_It's not the way I hoped or how I planned_  
_But somehow it's enough_

_And now we're standing face to face_  
_Isn't this world a crazy place_  
_Just when I thought our chance had passed_  
_You go and save the best for last_

_-Save The Best For Last, Vanessa Williams_

**Now**

Hecate slid out of the car and turned to help Pippa. Pippa smiled brilliantly up at her in the afternoon light. The red carpet, the Academy Awards. Despite the fact that Hecate had become a regular feature of Pippa's Instagram account and that they were now often photographed together by the paparazzi, it was the first time they were seriously appearing together in public. After tonight, there would be no doubt in anyone's mind that they were together. They already had an interview lined up with Rolling Stone to appear in a few weeks.

Pippa didn't show it, but Hecate could feel her nerves by the way her hand lightly shook as Hecate clasped it in her own. She gave it a brief squeeze as they took their first steps down the red carpet. With every step they took, the screams of the crowd grew louder. People really did love Pippa in a way that Hecate couldn't fathom, in a way Hecate had never experienced, but she didn't begrudge Pippa the adoration. After all, she adored Pippa too, if in a more personal way. 

Truthfully, Hecate strongly disliked this part of the night. The awards ceremony itself would be fine, nerve-racking in a more distant way, not more or less, but simply different since she wasn't up for any awards but Pippa was. 

Pippa's work on Cackle's Castle had earned her what Hecate thought was a well-deserved nomination for best original song. But the red carpet was a gauntlet they had to survive to get there. She lifted Pippa's hand to place a spontaneous kiss against the back of her fingers. A flurry of flashbulbs caught the movement and Hecate wondered how many blogs would feature that moment the next day, or even that night before the ceremony ended. 

Pippa looked at Hecate wide-eyed for a second before her expression melted into something softer, something calmer. Hecate knew her plan had worked when Pippa let out a long breath. Hecate smiled a small, private smile and Pippa returned it. 

A few steps later and they were at the dais where Ryan Seacrest was interviewing passing celebrities. Hecate helped Pippa up the steps, straightening out the train of Pippa's pink confection of a dress behind her before she did her best to fade into the background. This was Pippa's night, and Hecate didn't want to insert herself into it. 

She tuned out what they were talking about but she did notice when Pippa looked over to her. She kept her face as pleasantly neutral as possible while she was sure the camera was focused on her. Then Pippa was looking at her pleadingly and holding her hand out. Hecate sighed and climbed the dais herself. 

Pippa reached out and twined their fingers together again. 

"Hecate, it's good to see you again." There was glee in Ryan's eyes as he said it. "I wasn't sure we'd be able to get you up here on camera." 

"I'm always happy to make an appearance." It was a blatant lie but nobody watching knew it. "But why don't we skip to what you actually want to know?"

"You and Pippa showed up here together. Is this a confirmation of one of the biggest current rumors in Hollywood?" Ryan was bouncing on his toes at the chance for an exclusive. 

Repressing her annoyance, Hecate smiled over at Pippa, checking to make sure she was okay with what Hecate was about to say. She got a small nod of encouragement and that was enough. 

"I'm sure everyone knows I keep my personal life quite private, so I will say this once. You'd best have your microphones ready." Hecate paused to give them a chance to make sure the camera was in focus and the microphones were, in fact, on. "Pippa Pentangle is the love of my life, and she had been for some time. Make of that what you will, but I won't be discussing our relationship beyond saying that we are both very happy." 

She immediately looked back at Pippa once she finished and found Pippa beaming at her. 

"Well, you hear it here first, folks," Ryan turned toward the camera, playing it up. Hecate turned to Pippa. ‘I'll be waiting when you're finished," she whispered and disappeared back down the stairs before Ryan could turn back around. 

Pippa put on her most charming persona and chatted with him for a few more moments, likely about her dress, before she handed the microphone back to an assistant and came back down the stairs. Hecate took Pippa's hand again. 

"God, I hope I didn't sound like an idiot," Pippa whispered in a rare moment of public doubt. Her hands shook again. 

"You were perfect." Hecate pulled Pippa closer.

Pippa laughed before she leaned in and pressed her forehead to the outside of Hecate's shoulder. "The love of your life, hmmm?"

"You already knew that." Hecate smiled. 

"Yes, but a girl never gets tired of hearing it. If we didn't have somewhere else to be, I'd take you back home right now."

Hecate chuckled and hoped that none of the microphones picked that up. Then, she ushered Pippa forward and into the theater, leading them to their front row seats.

* * *

Hecate's stomach fluttered as the lights rose on Pippa. Even though Hecate knew Pippa had performed in front of millions of people at thousands of concerts, even though Hecate knew Pippa had performed at the Oscars before, this felt different. It felt like the entire last year had built to this night. She wondered if Pippa felt the same. 

Pippa had changed for the performance, something shorter and easier to move in. The song was too upbeat for her to stay in one place while she sang. That wasn't really Pippa's style anyway. 

The band started to play, and Pippa came in right on cue. The movie stars in the audience gamely clapped along and laughed when Pippa came down off of the stage during the musical break and walked down in front of the first row soliciting high fives. She stopped when she got to Hecate. For a second she looked like she was going to pull Hecate up to dance with her, but Hecate's panicked face must have stopped her because instead she just winked and headed back up the stairs to the stage to continue singing. 

Hecate barely had time to catch her breath before Pippa finished the song, the audience started clapping, and the broadcast went to commercial. Before the commercial break ended, Pippa returned to her seat by Hecate's side. 

"You were terrified I was about to make you dance on national TV, weren't you?" Pippa teased before leaning in and kissing Hecate's cheek then immediately wiping away even the traces of evidence she had done it. 

"I was… concerned." Hecate tried not to let on that she was breathing a little faster than normal. Seeing Pippa's performances just did that to her.

"Don't worry, I'm saving that for the Grammys in a few weeks." Pippa threaded her fingers between Hecate's and settled. It seemed that with her performance finished, Pippa had set aside her earlier nerves. 

"I think I might be coming down with something," Hecate said drily. The dimming of the lights cut off any retort Pippa might have been contemplating.

* * *

Pippa's grip on Hecate's hand got tighter and tighter as the announcer read out the nominees for Best Original Song. Hecate was sure Pippa was going to break her hand as the presenter opened the envelope. 

"And the Oscar goes to…" Hecate felt Pippa stop breathing. "Pippa Pentangle for Cackle's Castle."

Pippa suddenly started breathing again. "Did he just…" Pippa looked at Hecate in wide-eyed shock. She seemed completely dazed. 

"You need to go up there." Hecate lifted Pippa's hand to prompt her to stand. Pippa started shaking again but Hecate helped her to her feet. Pippa swallowed and took several deep breaths before she could climb the stairs, but she made it up them and only fumbled a little when she took the statuette into her hands. She looked down at it as if she wasn't sure it was real before she looked back up at the audience. Hecate smiled up at her, silently encouraging her to start her speech.

"I have to thank… God, I have so many people to thank. Vespertillio Studios for taking a chance on me and letting me put my mark on this amazing film, and of course all of the actors… everyone on the film who made this the most extraordinary experience. And… And… God, Hecate, I love you so much. So much. I can't even… I… this…" Pippa motioned with her Oscar, "this is _ours_." Hecate could see Pippa fighting back tears. "You have been my muse and my inspiration for more than half of my life and I absolutely would not be here without you. Thank you. _Thank you_." 

Hecate didn't hear anything after that, just a chuckle from the audience and some more clapping. She knew the cameras were on her once again and she couldn't school her features. She was much too proud of Pippa to do that. She knew she was smiling like an idiot, she knew she was blushing, but she couldn't bring herself to stop. The moment was perfect and she sat in it waiting for Pippa to return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming on this journey with me!!! Hecate and Pippa are the bestest and I love writing about them and I love that you read my writing about them. 
> 
> I didn't think this would be the case, but if you stick all of the songs in a playlist, it's surprisingly coherent.
> 
> Comments, while totally not necessary, inspire me to keep writing.
> 
> Thank you all again!!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are amazing and will make me love you forever!
> 
> I'm on tumblr @twtd11


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